If you notice an extra pep in the smile or step of your local Starbucks cashier this holiday season, now you’ll know why. The CEO has announced today that he will be splitting his stupidly ridiculous $8 million dollar Christmas bonus up between all the minimum wage employees currently working for the major coffee chain.
CEO Howard Schultz has said that he has decided to give away his bonus to keep morale up during a hectic holiday season, and to help continue the good feeling customers get when coming into Starbucks.
“I want my employees happy. Happy employees equal happy customers,” said Schultz. “I’d love to keep the money myself, I’m only human, but that would be greedy. I don’t need the money, I make almost $30 million dollars a year, which amounts to over $14,000 an hour. These people are making less than $9 an hour. We where in a meeting, thinking of different ways to reward our employees for their hard work, and the little pay they make, when someone tossed me this idea. I laughed at first, but then I gave it some thought.”
Schultz said that after figuring his personal budget, and whether or not he could live without the extra $8 million on top of his regular salary, he decided that he would divide his bonus equally among all his employees.
“What the hell, you only live once or twice, give-or-take,” said Schultz. “This extra money will mean more to my employees than it can to me. Hell, I wasn’t going to spend $8 million on Christmas presents, anyway. I certainly don’t want to be one of the highest paid CEOs in the country, and be thought of as some sort of Christmas Scrooge. I hope that everyone has a wonderful holiday, and I want to thank them all for being Starbucks baristas.”
The bonus, which when divided equally among all the employees will be around $50, and will be issued to employees in the form of a Starbucks branded pre-paid Visa.