Experts Say Smartphones Causing Dramatic Increase In Permanent Blindness Among Americans

NEW YORK CITY, New York – Experts Say Smartphones Causing Dramatic Increase In Permanent Blindness Among Americans

Dr. Henry Lee Sen-Su, a researcher and doctor in the field of ophthalmology, is one of the leading experts on blindness in the world. Sen-Su and says that people are killing their eyesight, and within the next fifteen to twenty years, nearly thirty percent of Americans will be inflicted with some degree of permanent blindness.

“The average American smartphone owner checks their phone over 150 time in one day. While some do not spend much time on theirs, many look at their smartphones up to one thousand times in a day, an alarming and extremely dangerous routine,” Dr. Sen-Su said. “This, in my opinion, is just as much of a problem as the obesity epidemic here. It is my educated and guaranteed expert opinion that in the next fifteen to twenty years, over one-quarter of the nations adults, age 40 and older, will become legally blind. All because they can’t resist checking their news feed or checking for whatever bizarre news topics or celebrity is trending. Something must be done, and it needs to be done quickly.”

According to Dr. Sen-Su, the screens that make up our smartphones, whether it be iPhones or a Samsung Galaxy, are becoming “too good,” causing a mild retina burn whenever you look at them. “Thank God that the teeny-tiny phone trend is dying,” said Sen-Su. “The larger phones coming back means slightly less eye strain, which was only compounding the problem.”

Maxwell Picholucini, a spokesperson for NABA, the National Association of Blindness Awareness, says that the organization has set up an agenda to promote the act of personal and vocal interaction to substitute for text messaging.

“The facts are in, and the research has proven that our phones are causing harm to our eyesight. People need to not rely on texting so much, and start making calls and actually talking to each other on their phones. Burning your retinas with your smart phone is not very smart,” Picholucini said. “We at NABA are promoting a slow-down in technology, and are also looking at even going back to older pieces, such as fax machines and rotary phones. Saving people from going blind is our top priority.”


‘Diary of Anne Frank’ Flagged For Plagiarism

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands – ‘Diary of Anne Frank’ Flagged For Plagiarism

The Diary of Anne Frank, required reading for many middle-schoolers since its publication in 1947, was recently flagged for plagiarism, a discovery credited to 12-year old student Hanne Flüvke, who ran the book through an online plagiarism checker.

Through a translator Flüvke said, “We had to write a paper on Anne Frank and how she would be today in society. ‘Would she use Facebook and texting?’ my teacher asked, so I was checking my paper to make sure I wasn’t copying anything another person wrote.”

“Suddenly I became not very happy,” said Flüvke. “I started my report with Justin Bieber when he said he thought Anne Frank would be a ‘Belieber’ and my grandmother said, ‘Remember when I used to read you The Diary of Anne Frank every night when you were just a little girl before I could not see anymore?’” Hanne dug back through her closet and found the well-worn copy of the book her grandmother had read to her as a bedtime story years before.

On a fluke, Flüvke entered passages from Diary into an online copycat detector and found that nearly every passage was flagged for plagiarism. “Everything I entered from my grandmother’s copy of The Diary of Anne Frank showed up as a copy from another book called The Diary of a Young Girl, also published in 1947. I didn’t know which one was the real one, so I called my local newspaper to help me find out.”

“The little child was right!” said Johannes Bleek, editor of Amsterdam’s Daily Chronicler. “Everything matched. I don’t know how people could have overlooked such a thing as this before! Perhaps they let it go since the story was so sad about the little girl.”

The Supreme Court of the Netherlands (Hoge Raad der Nederlanden) ruled last week that The Diary of Anne Frank was indeed directly sourced – without credit – from The Diary of A Young Girl, and that proper royalty payments owed to the Frank family would have to be recalculated.  The Court also ruled that any unauthorized use of the former book would make violators liable for prosecution under international law.

“I didn’t want to start any troubles,” said Flüvke. “I just wanted to write a paper, so now I don’t know what to do. Maybe I’ll write about Justin Bieber if I made believe he was locked up in the attic and I rescued him, which I hope never happens to him someday because I want to marry him.”

Bleek published an editorial urging citizens to burn unauthorized copies of The Diary of Anne Frank in the town square. The date of the public book burning will be set after the editor secures the necessary public fire department permits.

Design & Developed By Open Source Technologies.