Boston Marathon Bomber Tsarnaev Severely Injured In Prison, May Never Walk Or Talk Again

FORT DEVENS, Massachusetts – Accused Boston Marathon Bomber Severely Injured In Prison, May Never Walk Or Talk Again

Infamous Boston Marathon bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, 22, was the victim of an “unfortunate accident” yesterday at Ft. Devens Detention Center in Massachusetts, just a few short months after his high-profile trial and sentencing, according to warden Paul Jacobson.

Corrections officers reportedly found the terror suspect face down in a pool of his own blood in his cell; a banana peel was found on the floor nearby.

“It initially appeared as though Tsarnaev slipped on a discarded banana peel and hit the floor with such force that his head bounced off the hard tile surface, probably 16 or 17 times. There was blood everywhere – all over the walls, the floor, even the toilet. The injuries have caused massive brain trauma,” said prison investigator Joe Goldsmith. “We determined though, through expert analysis, that it would be impossible for these injuries to have occurred through a fall. Our investigation has shown that that it was the Aryan Brotherhood who initiated an attack on Tsarnaev.”

“Yes, it was the brotherhood who took care of that bomber,” said Miles Smith, head of the Aryan Nation inside Devens. “The other gangs, they wanted him, too. We paid the guards the most money to have a shot. They stood aside, and let us do what we do. On the way out, they shook our hands, told us ‘Thank you.’ Well, You’re welcome. You’re welcome, Boston. You’re welcome, America!”

“Normally, an attack this violent, this cruel, on another inmate would get any offending party more time added to their sentence,” said warden Jacobson. “Because of the nature of Tsarnaev’s crimes, though, we have decided to actually reduce the sentences of the Aryan members who were involved. They have done our prison and our country a great service, and we appreciate it immensely. They are heroes in the eyes of not only this institution, but also in the eyes of the people of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.”

Tsarnaev had pled not guilty to all thirty charges filed against him, but was found guilty on all counts in April. He was sentenced to the death penalty per the crimes committed.

 

 

Boston Bomber Sentenced To 30 Days Public Service For His Part In Grisly Attacks

Boston Bomber Sentenced To 30 Days Public Service For His Part In Grisly Attacks

BOSTON, Massachusetts – 

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, the 21-year-old who was convicted earlier this month on 30 charges in relation to the 2013 massacre at the Boston Marathon, was sentenced today to 30 days public service and ordered to remain under house arrest during that time.

“We feel today that justice really did prevail,” said Tsarnaev’s lawyer, Jim Clarke. “Yes, this young man was responsible for some heinous attacks on a cherished event and on the American people as a whole, but today, this jury stood up and said that they would no longer stand for over-reaching punishment. They gave him the sentence that we, on his defense team, feel he deserved.”

Tsarnaev was seen in photos smiling after the sentencing was read aloud in the courtroom – a sentence that came with several outbursts from spectators inside the building.

“This is some serious, serious bullshit,” said Mark Devers, a participant in the 2013 Boston Marathon who was nearing the finish line when the explosion occurred, although was not injured. “What he did was monstrous, and he should have gotten the death penalty. My God, we have people in jail for life right now for growing and smoking weed, but we can’t put a violent mass murdered in the chair? This country has gone to hell.”

“That’s exactly the problem at hand,” said Clarke. “The judicial system is a mess, and we have overcrowding and overpopulation in our prisons. Too many men and women are locked up for extended periods of time for crimes that warrant much softer sentencing. This was a massive victory not only for Mr. Tsarnaev, but also for the judicial system and the criminal court system as a whole.”

Tsarnaev is scheduled to be released from prison May 1st, and is ordered to remain under house arrest while he carries out his public service duties. 

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