LOUSIVILLE, Kentucky –
A hunter in Kentucky has reportedly captured the first picture of Goatman, a half-man, half-goat hybrid that was, until recently, thought to just be an urban legend. Many sightings have taken place in the last several weeks, with people reportedly seeing Goatman in Kentucky, Texas, and even Connecticut.
“I was walking through the woods behind my house, and I saw what I thought, at first, was a deer,” said aptly-named hunter Mark Hunter. “I was about to take aim, but he sort of ‘baah’d’ at me a bit, and then he stood up, and it was a stark-naked man with a long neck and a goat head. I was in shock. Thankfully I was wearing my GoPro, and I got the whole thing on camera.”
Hunter says that he assumed, initially, when reviewing the footage that it might be a man wearing some sort of severed goat head as a mask, but as he researched the Goatman, he became more and more convinced that it was real.
“Don’t take me for a fool – I don’t believe in Big Foot or Nessie or any of that jazz,” said Hunter. “But I tell you what I saw, and what I saw, and what I got on film, was a half-man, half-goat. This wasn’t a prank or a costume. This was real.”
Experts are reportedly researching Hunter’s footage to determine its authenticity.
HOLLYWOOD, California –
Sy-Fi channel’s Ghost Hunters claim they have finally captured a real ghost on film, and the channel plans to air a special episode on Thanksgiving Day. Executives at Sy-Fi hope this will be the most watched hour in television history.
“It’s amazing, and truly terrifying. We were filming at a Civil War battleground site, and we actually saw and caught a ghost on film. It wasn’t just a noise, and it wasn’t just us playing things up for the camera like normal,” said Jason Hawes, paranormal specialist and star of Ghost Hunters. ”I’ll be honest with you – the show has always been fake, of course. We never find anything real. It’s TV for crying out loud. The way it usually goes is Grant or Steve say in a scared voice, ‘did you see that?!’ or ‘did you hear that?!’ and then we all act scared, but it’s just for show. Not this time, though.”
“I was scared as hell. I’m not going to lie – I pissed myself when I saw it. All this time ‘hunting’ for ghosts, we’d never seen a thing. 10 years of filming episodes; neither us nor our viewers seeing anything but night vision images of ‘spooky’ locations,” said Grant Wilson, co-founder of TAPS. “That’s half the reason I left the show in the first place. I am so glad I came back for this hunt. This changes it all. When this airs, people all over the world will stare in awe. It’s not any trickery, it’s not CGI. This was an honest-to-goodness, no bullshit ghost.”
“Now that I’ve seen a real ghost, I’m done, I’m never doing this again, it was fun when it was fake, but now forget about it,” said Hawes. “I’m going back to Kansas to work in my Dad’s Hardware store.”
”Ghost Hunters have filmed a real ghost, trust me, I saw it a couple of days ago and I haven’t slept since,” said Sy-Fi Channel executive Mark McGoldrick. “I can promise you, this will change the world as we know it. We now have proof of an afterlife, and of a spirit world. Do you have any idea what that will do for our ratings?!”