Man Who Bought a Pair of Dentures on Shopping App WISH Can Suddenly Speak Chinese

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BOSTON, Massachusetts – 

A Boston man, Arnold Richardson, said he didn’t know what to do when his dentist told him that he was going to need a new set of custom dentures to replace the ones he’s had the last 10 years.

“I was really put out, I can’t afford that kind of thing on my salary,” said Richardson, 46, a carpenter in the South End of Boston. “I really felt lost.”

Richardson said that he scoped out the internet for the best deals, and was surprised to find a set of dentures on the shopping website/app called Wish, which sells items at highly discounted rates, occassionally knock-offs, but almost always shipped from China.

“I was hesitant, honestly, because you hear about toys and other items coming from China and they’ve been painted with old, lead-ridden paint or something like that, but really, it was all I could afford.”

After waiting 6-8 weeks for his dentures, Richardson said he was “very surprised” to find that they fit perfectly, and even more surprised that when he put them in his mouth, he automatically began speaking Chinese.

“这篇文章和我们所有的文章一样, 都是假的,” said Richardson. “如果你明白了, 那就太好了。与你认识的每个人分享!永远记住不要在网上上当废话”

New ‘Anti-Cry Collar’ For Noisy Babies Has Human Rights Groups Outraged

BEIJING, China – New 'Cry Collar' For Noisy Babies Has Human Rights Groups Outraged

How far would you go to stop your baby from crying? China Toy Group has begun manufacturing a new line of parental aids, with their flagship device aimed at quieting your noisy baby. A terry clothed collar fits snugly around your baby’s neck, providing head support and emitting a low-pitched frequency hum that is inaudible to adults every time baby begins to cry. It has yet to be released in the US, but pre-orders are stacking up in China.

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Human rights groups say that they think the concept sounds a bit too much like bark collars, which emit a high-frequency noise only dogs can hear, stopping man’s best friend from excessive barking. Activist Marsha Bradley says, “What’s next, shock collars for kids? Zap your kid when they don’t clean their room or shock your spouse when they forget to put the toilet seat down? This treatment is completely inhumane!”

CTG Representative, Fu Rui Shou defends the device, claiming it is a perfect way to help your child learn to behave.

“We not saying, keep on your baby 100% of time. When you out at restaurants, put on child, as courtesy to other people. Think you ready shake you baby? You use this product instead. So, so much better plan. It will save baby lives. It will save you sanity from baby who never stop crying. It also very safe. We think baby will like hum sound. Sound like being in sweet, cozy womb.”

Bradley disagrees. “I saw a baby with one of these things on. He was drooling all over the place – then he peed itself. That baby was terrified, and it hated wearing this cruelty collar.”

Currently, China Toy Association is developing a marketing plan for the US and Europe. They are optimistic it will catch on. Shou says they intend to extend the line into marital aids. “We still in early stage of development, but collar also be nice to have for nagging spouse. Shut them up good, no more complain. Teach them to act just like proper Chinese wife.”

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