Unemployment Benefits To Be Eliminated Due To Poor Economy

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

The economy has been on a financial roller coaster for the last few years, and many American people have found themselves out of a job. With this poor economy, a lot of families have had to rely on unemployment benefits, but it appears that they will have to find another way to fend for themselves.

Due to the poor economy, government officials have announced that all unemployment benefits will be terminated until the country has enough stabilized their financial woes.

“The goal here is to have laid off workers attempt a different job field, or lower their standards for work,” said White House Spokesman Richard Miller. “Too many people are sitting home waiting for the perfect job to come around, and collected money for it, and that’s not helping to boost our nation’s economy, or our nation’s workforce.”

Miller says that hopes are that this push will have more American people back in the work field, even if it happens to be a job that they have never had before. They are claiming that this is a ‘tough love’ type of way to go about it, but feel that it will boost the economy in the long run.

“A lot of benefits were given out in the past decade, and it hasn’t seemed to help the economy grow at all. This is causing the country to lose a large amount of money, which is building up our debt,” said Miller. “For crying out loud, get out there and get a goddamn job and stop living off those of us that work our asses off.”

Alternative options are being thrown around to how people can find work or if they don’t agree with the decision. It is being suggested that all citizens that collect unemployment benefits should look for jobs as low as a paper boy or babysitting, and work on how they can budget their lives.

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

With the presidential nominees slowly starting to become public and we gear up for the 2016 elections, many say that the country is ready to start a new chapter in its history, and that chapter looks to be filled with plenty of vacation time. According to sources, a proposed 10-hour work month is part of the new itinerary of the far-left party that seeks to gain control of the country.

According to documents found by media correspondence, every citizen will be asked to work a mandatory 40-hours a month, and no more. Those who violate the law would be punished for excessive profiteering.

Government spokesman, Peter Jacobs, spoke proudly as he assured the people of the economic plan. “Greece brought the world democracy, literary tragedies, and universities. There are no bad ideas in Greece. Now, the United States seeks to copy their ideas and bring work down to a minimum, and vacationing to the max, as it was meant to be.”

After stocks dropped and sell-offs occurred across the board in New York, President Obama assured the people that things were fine.

“The 40-hour work month simply removes those who do not truly understand economics,” said Obama. “With over 700 hours a month to devote to sleeping, eating, drinking, sleeping more, and playing video games, the United States will lead the world in relaxation. There is no price that can be placed on satisfaction and relaxation.”