Are we in our final days? It seems they have said so many times before, but Christian prophet David Meade says THIS time it’s for real.
Meade, a self-published author, bases his prediction on a complex set of calculations and inferences centered around the number 33 and imminent interference from the planet Nibiru. Sept. 23 is 33 days after the solar eclipse, which Meade sees as significant. He believes that a constellation will reveal itself over Jerusalem on Saturday, triggering the launch of a series of catastrophic “tribulations” that will mean the end of life as we know it.
NASA, meanwhile, has repeatedly said that the planet Nibiru does not exist. Yet, numerous conspiracy videos on Youtube say otherwise. Paul Younge, a Phd in Youtube Videos points out that NASA is not a reliable source.
“You think NASA is paid for with tax dollars? No, that’s ridiculous. It is funded entirely by the Illuminati, who have a vested interest in keeping the sheeple dumb and docile. They have most of the world convinced that the earth is round, even though it can be proven through simple calculations to be flat. They say there’s no aliens on the dark side of the moon, but I can site numerous credible Youtube sources to the contrary. All this business about planet Nibiru not existing is yet another bit of misinformation.”
Unlike many profits before him, David “Doomsday” Meade admits he may be wrong about the exact timing of the rapture, which is due to happen this Saturday, but he is certain is coming soon.
“I was never good at math. I’ll admit that. My calculations may be slightly off. But I can feel the rapture coming. I can feel it in my bones. “
Reportedly many others are currently feeling the rapture in their bones, a feeling that is a combination of arthritis and sweet release.
Anyone feeling rapture in their bones is advised to take two aspirin and avoid sinning, as this tends to make rapture flare ups worse.
Scientists at the International Glacier Study Project in Iceland warned today of imminent danger from the possible collapse of the largest ice sheet in history. The press conference reportedly left viewers speechless, many of whom left the conference immediately to warn their families.
”Ladies and gentlemen, the study of glacial science is usually measured in decades and centuries. Global warming and climate issues have changed that,” said Johan Jorgensen, chief scientist for the project. “I am here today to tell you of an Earth changing event. According to our research, within the next several weeks, a polar ice sheet located just outside the North Pole, approximately 7 times the size of Manhattan, will separate from it’s glacier and fall into the Atlantic Ocean.”
“This event could very well trigger a tsunami that would spread across the world, leaving many coastal cities underwater. This event can not be measured in dollars of destruction, so much as in human life. The resulting temperature change of the oceans will disrupt weather patterns for years to come, for those lucky enough to survive the tsunami. I urge governments across the world to begin immediately evacuating all coastal cities to locations no less than 300 ft above sea level.”
Scientists in the United States and Canada who have seen Jogensen’s research have confirmed that a tsunami of that proportion would wipe out most of the East coast of the United States, with most towns in Southern Florida being eradicated completely.
President Obama could not be reached for comment, as he and his family were aboard Air Force One on their way to an unexpected ski vacation in the Swiss Alps.