Couple Find Child’s Thumb In Wendy’s Chili

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TOBY, South Dakota –

A South Dakota couple have allegedly discovered a child’s thumb in their Wendy’s chili. The finders, Mark and Julie Kavner, both 30, say that they ordered the same thing they’ve ordered every time they’ve eaten at Wendy’s – a small french fry, two bacon cheeseburger deluxe sandwiches, and a chili. This time, though, they discovered something extra.

“We were half way through the chili, and we discovered a child’s thumb near the bottom of the container. I started vomiting immediately,” said Julie Kavner. “It was the most disgusting thing that’s ever happened to me, and I used to work for my family’s septic and sewage company.”

Wendy’s spokesman Gerald Hawkins says that it’s “completely impossible” that there could ever be any digits found in the chili, because the food is made fresh on-site in each restaurant, and that the chain does not employ minor children.

“We strive for excellence every day in all of our locations,” said Hawkins. “We have been accused of this sort of thing before, but it was proven then that it was a hoax. We will prove it again using our internal restaurant investigators.”

The Kavners were advised by their attorney to make no statements about any planned lawsuits.

New Poll Shows 64% Of Men Enjoy Watching Ugly Chicks Getting Punched In The Face

LAS VEGAS, Nevada – New Poll Shows 64 Of Men Enjoy Watching Ugly Chicks Getting Punched In The Face

A new online poll has shown that at least 64% of men enjoy watching ugly chicks getting punched in the face repeatedly. 

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The poll is confirmed by the recent upward trend in popularity of women’s mixed martial arts within organizations such as the UFC and Strikeforce.

Research has shown that the uglier the woman, the more men want to see her get punched in the face. Fighters such as Gina Corano score big ratings when they get their faces punched in, but when you pit her with an even uglier Cris Cyborg, the rating go through the roof, as was seen during their 2009 match-up.

But the question is, why do men love seeing ugly chicks getting punched so much?

Dr. Joseph Goldsmith, a Sports Psychologist at John F. Kennedy University, says that he may have an answer.

“Come on, Seriously? Who WOULDN’T want to see an ugly chick get punched?” said Dr. Goldsmith. “I mean, you don’t have to be a psychologist to figure that out. Men love violence and they also hate looking at ugly things. When you go out to Taco Bell and there’s a fat chick stuffing her face with chalupas, don’t you want to punch her in her chubby little pig face? I know I do.”

5-Year-Old Finds Human Finger In His McDonald’s Happy Meal

MONTPELIER, Vermont – 5-year-old-finds-human-finger-in-his-mcdonalds-happy-meal

One of the biggest fast food restaurants in the world will be facing yes another lawsuit that could potentially take a huge chunk from the their bank account. McDonald’s is under the spotlight after a 5-year-old boy discovered a human finger in his Happy Meal earlier this week.

The Happy Meal was purchased at a location in Montpelier, Vermont, and employees there are baffled to how something like this happened under what store management claims is a ‘tightly run ship.’

“I can’t believe that something like this happened. I have no idea how it could have,” said Dan Green, manager of the McDonald’s location where the finger was allegedly found. “I’ve literally checked all my employees hands, and all of them still have their fingers, so we believe that are restaurant wasn’t the cause of the problem. Either the finger came from further up the industrial ladder, or the family themselves planted it in the meal.”

To add to the confusion, it wasn’t until hours after the Happy Meal was purchased that the local mother, Erica Silver, came back in, causing an uproar about it. The item was purchased in the drive-thru of the McDonald’s, and Goldsmith claims she had no idea that the finger was in there until she noticed her son was sucking on something.

“I handed it to my son in the back seat, as I always do, and he ate his nuggets and apple slices,” said Silver. “When we got home, I noticed that he was sucking on something. I thought at first it was an apple slice, but I screamed in horror when I pulled it out of his mouth to discover it was a finger!”

Silver’s son, Mark, was taken to the emergency room where he was checked for possible diseases or infection, and to Silver’s relief, they found no issues.

“They are lucky that he didn’t get sick from sucking that finger,” said Silver. “That does not excuse the fact, though, that they need better management of their food and what goes into the containers. You can bet that I’m going to be speaking to my attorney about this.”

McDonald’s corporation has denied comment on the matter, pending an internal investigation.

Over the years, many people have claimed to find disturbing things in their McDonald’s means, including teeth, band-aids, hair, bits of plastic, and even bits of trash. This marks the first time the company has been accused of letting a finger slip through the cracks and into a meal container.

 

 

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