MTV To Produce ‘Hunger Games’ Style Reality Show, ‘Con Stars’

Posted on June 24, 2014 by Jon of the Shred

DETROIT, Michigan –

In a bold move by the Federal Prison System to combat swelling overpopulations of their institutions, a real-life Hunger Games reality show has been launched by MTV in partnership with the Federal Justice Bureau. The show features violent criminals and convicts squaring off in an enclosed area of a major city, in a full-blown fight to the death. The winner of the contest is awarded freedom and a second chance at life. The show has been titled Con Stars.

Season 1 began pre-production last week in Detroit, scouting locations and filming exteriors. Future seasons will film in other urban and violent cities across the country. Based on buzz alone, season 2 has already secured a green light, and executives are rumored to be eying Camden, New Jersey as their next death ring.

The show is hoping to be a ratings smash, and execs are looking to at least secure the number 2 slot, just behind the Walking Dead. TV analysts suggest that the show will set a new precedent for Reality TV – while mind-numbing stupidity used to suffice, with shows such as Jersey Shore and Honey Boo-Boo running the ratings, Con Stars hopes to knock them out of the park.

Before all the glitz and glamor of TV could begin, the show’s concept had to pass through the U.S. Congress first, the first show ever to be scrutinized by the government before airing. Members of Congress had to give the show the go-ahead, and the decision also had to have a Presidential seal of approval on it as well, as President Obama would be the one to sign the winner’s pardon, setting him free.

Curiously, there was little pushback from either the republicans or democrats on the actual content of the show, and both sides spent more time arguing whether The Hunger Games was a ripoff of Battle Royale or The Running Man. Ron Paul, who is generally ignored by the other members of congress, was the voice of reason throughout the hearing, stating that The Hunger Games was clearly a ripoff of Death Race 2000, the David Carradine film which pre-dates both Battle Royale and The Running Man.

“If you watch both of the Hunger Games films you’ll notice elements stolen from the Running Man and Battle Royale scattered throughout. Death Race 2000 came even before all those, and if you really break it down they’re all reminiscent of Gladiator fights in a modern setting. What makes Hunger Games plagiarism as opposed to tribute is the author denied knowledge of all those prior films and books. What does she think, we’re stupid?”

Congress agreed to let Viacom, parent company of MTV, produce the show with actual prisoners. All of the men selected will be at the discretion of the board of prisons in each state. As of this writing, the 30 contestants were being selected from institutions around the country, and filming is set to begin in August. The show will premiere on MTV and MTV2 in the channels’ winter lineup.

Casey Anthony, George Zimmerman To Star In New Reality TV Show

Posted on June 22, 2014 by A. Michael Smith

MIAMI, Florida –

Casey Anthony and George Zimmerman have been cast in a new reality series about people who have been acquitted of murder.

The show, which goes by the working title of Beat the System, is being developed by the Investigation Discovery network, and is set to air in the fall of 2014. It will be the first unscripted reality show developed by the ID Network.

The series will star Anthony and Zimmerman, who became friends in real life after they bonded over their recent brushes with the law, and their eventual acquittals of murder.

“I am so happy that Casey and I got offered this reality series.” Said Zimmerman, who was found not guilty for the murder of young teen Trayvon Martin. “We are really excited to start filming next week in Miami.”

Beat the System is going to follow the everyday lives of Anthony and Zimmerman, to get an insight into what it is like after you are found not guilty of a crime that the entire world knows you’ve committed. The ID Network is advertising it as a Kate Plus 8 meets Unsolved Mysteries kind of show.

“George and I became so close after his trial.” Said Anthony, who was acquitted of murdering her young daughter, Caylee. “I began writing to him during his ordeal, offering my support, because I went through the same thing. He wrote back, and we became good friends. I’m so excited for this series. I really want people to see that George and I are just regular people. We grocery shop, go to the movies, and party like everyone else.”

After advertisements for the show hit television networks and YouTube, a backlash of emails began flooding the offices of the ID Network, demanding the show be cancelled before it even starts.

“How dare anyone profit off these heinous crimes.” Said one angry viewer. “These two pieces of filth should be behind bars, and everyone knows it. This show is a disgrace to TV, and I don’t know anyone who will be watching it.”

“These two are famous. In fact, they are more than famous. They’re infamous.” Said Joe Goldsmith, president of the Investigation Discovery Network. “It doesn’t matter how they got to be famous. They are known faces, their backstories are known. What isn’t known, though, is how they deal every day with the same basic things everyone has to. What it’s like for them to be in public and be recognized. We are trying to put a humanitarian face on two people who are very misunderstood.”

“It’s the best thing to come out of all of this tragedy.” Said Anthony. “George and I, we’ve been through so much. Now we can put our pasts to rest and focus on this great new future, this great show.”

Reportedly, an episode is also set to feature Anthony and Zimmerman visiting their mutual friend O.J. Simpson in prison. Simpson was acquitted of murdering his wife and friend almost 2 decades ago, but was recently sentenced to 32 years in prison for his part in an armed robbery.

“I wish that [Simpson] could have been a part of this show on a regular basis. He’s a great guy, and Casey and I owe so much to him.” Said Zimmerman. “I know that he would get a kick out of reality TV.”

The ID Network reportedly stands to make more money off this show than almost all their other programming combined, with advertisers offering upwards of 3 and 4 times the normal rate for a standard 30-second commercial spot during the show. Anthony and Zimmerman also stand to make a small fortune, as each are reportedly earning $100,000 per episode, with 13 episodes ordered for the initial fall/winter season.

All Prisons In Europe May Close

Posted on June 4, 2014 by A. Michael Smith

LONDON — A convicted criminal has made an astonishing complaint to the European Court of Human Rights, on the grounds that being in prison infringes his basic human rights.

Jerry Buckles, a lifelong petty crook and infamous thug, was jailed for the attempted robbery of the local supermarket where he was working. Unfortunately, when he tried to get the automatic checkout machine to give him all its cash, it refused to comply and just told him repeatedly, “Object found in bagging area”.

Buckles is now serving a 5 year term in Wormwood Scrubs, one of Britain’s worst prisons. But he has found a loophole in the Human Rights Act which may mean he is free in weeks.

“It’s quite simple,” said his lawyer Joseph Goldsmith. “The Act says that everyone has the right to liberty. There is nothing in there to say that prisoners are not included in having that right.” Mr Goldsmith has a personal interest in the outcome too, as he is Buckles’ fellow inmate.

If the pair are successful in bringing their case to the European Court, then it is possible that all prisons across the EU will have to close. However, Minister of Justice Herbert Clamp didn’t think that was likely. He said, “We have a plan of action in the event that prisons are declared illegal by the HRA. We will simply declare all prisoners to be sub-human scum – which they are – and then the Act does not apply.”