‘Mein Kampf’ Copyright Runs Out January 1st; Slew Of Filmmakers Ready To Tackle Story

Posted on December 31, 2015 by Bob The Empire News Potato

HOLLYWOOD, California –

The copyright held on Hitler’s manifesto, Mein Kampf, runs out on January 1st, 2016, and there are already a dozen filmmakers readying their big screen version of the leader’s book.

Stephen Spielberg, who is best known for his films Jurassic Park and Schindler’s List, says that he has been working on a screenplay for the big screen adaptation of Mein Kampf for over a decade, merely waiting for the copyright to expire so that none of Hitler’s relatives would be able to profit from the book.

“Oh yeah, I’m a big fan of Hitler,” said Spielberg. “I mean, I made Schindler’s List because I was really interested in that time period, and in Hitler specifically, but I couldn’t make the movie I wanted to make back then. The studios were definitely not letting me make a Mein Kampf film. They were never going to purchase the rights. Now that the copyright is expiring, I can make it a great, huge, holiday film.”

Other directors, including Kevin Smith, John Waters, and JJ Abrams are also in the process of writing screenplays based on Mein Kampf. Smith, who is known for his satirical and comedic films, says that he is planning on titling his film Mein Kamfy Chair, and telling the story of Hitler’s favorite Lay-Z-Boy.

Christian Groups Outraged By New ‘Star Wars’ Trailer, Plan National Boycott Upon Release

Posted on November 30, 2014 by Bob The Empire News Potato

HOLLYWOOD, California –

Christian groups and religious families have been publicly shunning the new Star Wars movie, and it doesn’t even hit theatres for over a year. Many devout, religious people are complaining that a single, quick image from the trailer is proof that the movie’s director, J.J. Abrams, as well franchise owners Disney, are out to promote the worship of Satan.

“It’s disgusting, truly an outrage,” said Peggy Lewis, a member of the group Christians Against Everything. “Did you see the filth they’re portraying in that commercial? It’s bad enough that they’re enticing kids with ‘the dark side’ and violence, but one of the characters in the movie is carrying an inverted cross as a weapon. And it’s a fiery red! The movie promotes Hell and Satan!”

In the film’s trailer, a Sith is seen carrying a lightsaber, the popular weapon of choice for the Jedi characters as well as their rivals, with “spokes” that come out of either side of the handle.

“I mean come on,” said Richard Sweat, co-founder of the religious group Christians United, Never Torn, an extremely religious group of parents who help to promote Jesus and the gospel through family film and music. “It’s clearly Satanic imagery. As it is, lightsabers were always extremely phallic, and as we all know anything long and phallic is automatically gay. Now the lightsabers are gay and anti-God! There will be a massive boycott of this film from every good Christian in American when it comes out.”

“I have no idea what the big deal is,” said Abrams, director of blockbuster films such as Star Trek and Super 8. “Disney isn’t really known for being anti-Christian, and there’s no way that they’d allow that sort of imagery into the movie. Perhaps people should wait and see [the movie] before they make judgements on whether it’s good, bad, Satanic, gay, or whatever. Yes, we’ve got new characters, and yes they have new weapons. Yes, we’ve got a black storm trooper. My God, everyone – it was a teaser trailer. Just wait and see what happens!”

Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens is scheduled for release in December, 2015.

Disney to Make Han Solo Completely Computer Generated in Star Wars: Episode VII

Posted on August 27, 2014 by carriesnotscary

LOS ANGELES, California –

Due to scheduling delays on production of Disney’s Star Wars: Episode VII, Harrison Ford’s iconic snarky character, Han Solo, will be completely computer generated in the film. Ford injured his leg during production back in June, and the actor has yet to fully recover. Disney execs revealed the bittersweet news at a press conference yesterday.

“We tried the best we could to accommodate Ford’s injury when it came to filming,” director J.J. Abrams said. “But the truth is, [Ford] is really old, and it takes a long time for old people to heal. I think that he is nearing in on 100 years old already, and our fans absolutely cannot wait for one extra day, hour, or minute after December 18, 2015 when film is scheduled to be released.”

Solo’s CGI form will be the first of its kind—groundbreaking human-mimicking technique that transcends motion capture. “It’s looking way better than Jar Jar,” Abrams commented. “We are very excited to introduce CGI Han to Star Wars fans. They’re gonna love it even more than they loved General Grievous.”

“We were half tempted to use CGI on all the original characters,” said an anonymous Disney executive. “We have the money. We can easily replicate all of them, and make them look years younger. Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher – these people are ancient. No one wants to see Luke battle Darth Vader using a walker, do they? Once people see the textures, the realism on [Ford’s] Han Solo character, they’ll be blown away. I mean hell, it’s not like 98% of these movies aren’t computer generated already, anyway.”

When asked to comment, Ford said, “I broke my leg.”

Accord to Disney, Ford will still provide the voice of Han Solo, unless he breaks something in and/or around his mouth. He is set to return again in the next installment of the much anticipated Star Wars franchise, assuming he hasn’t yet died of old age by the time filming begins.

When reached for comment, Mark Hamill, who is making his return as Luke Skywalker in the film, said that he, too, hoped he would still be alive for the next installment.

“I’m nowhere near as old as [Ford], but in Hollywood each day can be your last, lest they cast you off into obscurity,” said Hamill. “I remember my last relevant day in this city. I think it was sometime in 1987. Ah, no matter, I’m coming back strong thanks to Disney!”

While tickets are not on sale yet, Disney would like you to mark your calendar for this exciting new technology, in theaters December 18, 2015. If you do not have a calendar, Disney would like you to get one, especially if you can manage to find one with Simba or Buzz and Woody on it, so you can mark the release date on that one, even if you don’t particularly care about Star Wars