LOUISVILLE, Kentucky –
Papa John’s is known for its fast, cheap, and convenient pizza, and it’s obnoxious commercials that always prominently feature owner and founder John Schnatter. The company has been all over the media in recent years, facing controversy over poor wages and their stance on healthcare for employees.
Although the media scrutiny has worn off in the last several months, it looks as though it’s set to rise again. After a recent food study, performed by world-renowned doctors and scientists, it was discovered that Papa John’s pizza and take-out boxes are made from the same ingredients.
During a test on their sauces, cheese, and dough, scientists found that the company has been cutting corners by using recycled pizza boxes as a base for their product. The scientists were initially hired by Papa John’s, working with the company to help create a new pizza dough recipe.
Dr. Tom Matosaus claims that when bringing up the problem to CEO John Schnatter, he denied all claims. “He’s in some serious denial, I tell you. He went on and on about how their company had the best pizza crust in the entire nation, and if they didn’t, he wouldn’t be worth over half a billion dollars. He talked a lot about money, actually. Way more than he talked about pizza.”
“To be honest, it’s not going to hurt you to eat their pizza,” said scientist Dr. Moe Zarella. “Just because the founder is a little on the annoying side, and just because their pizza is made out of the same things as their carryout boxes, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a good slice once in awhile!”
Neither Schnatter nor any company representatives have yet to comment on the controversy, but they are urging customers to try their new pizza deal.
“Only 11.99 for a large specialty pizza, delivered right to your door!” said Schnatter. “Ignore the naysayers. You love our pizza. Just listen to your Papa. Mmmm, it’s delicious!”