Customer Service Representative Memorizes Credit Card Numbers, Uses Them To Order Pizza

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PHOENIX, Arizona – 

A customer service representative for a telecommunications company has been arrested and charged with fraud after it was found that he was memorizing customer credit card numbers, and using the numbers to have food and other items delivered to his home.

Kevin Brenden, 29, has been taken into police custody and charged with fraud, felony burglary, and identity theft. According to police, Brenden – who worked in a call center for one of the nation’s largest cell phone companies – was able to memorize credit card numbers for use at a later date.

“I worked in a ‘paper free’ zone, which meant there was no way for me to write anything down,” said Brenden. “The company thought this would help to alleviate and chance of theft. Honestly, I only stole the numbers to prove that their system was stupid. Paper or not, people can get the card numbers. It’s just a matter of wanting to.”

Brenden says that he had been taking credit card numbers for almost 2 years before he was caught, when he made several major purchases for Christmas.

“I usually just bought a pizza or something, had it delivered. Small things,” said Brenden. “I was really short on cash for Christmas though, and I made the mistake of ordering some things from Amazon that were a little pricey. No one really noticed an extra 10 or 20 bucks on their card when I’m ordering food. They definitely notice an extra $200 when it’s for a new Apple TV.”

Police say that Brenden has been fully cooperating with their investigation. Per request from the company, they are not releasing the name of the organization that Brenden worked for.

Sinister Secrets Of Your Local ‘House of Pizza’ And The Illuminati

Sinister Secrets Of Your Local 'House of Pizza' And The Illuminati

EVERYTOWN, USA –

Ever wonder why there is a House of Pizza located in every small town in America? The truth is more incredible than you can imagine.

Conspiracy-theory expert, Paul Young claims he uncovered documents that will send shockwaves through the internet. He obtained them while employed as night manager at his local House of Pizza. “People need to realize these Greeks aren’t just about slinging subs and calzones. They’re more concerned about setting themselves up in positions of power in the New World Order.”

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Young claims his suspicions started when he got a look at the books. “There was no way we were making as much as they claimed. At first I thought they must be laundering money. The owner was visited by mysterious men in suits, so it all made sense.”

When another employee discovered Illuminati symbols stamped on the underside of a table, Young became concerned. “I started digging into the files in the office, and I made a shocking discovery. All these Houses of Pizza are connected, forming a network of sleeper cells around the country. Don’t believe me? I’ve found the mark of the all-seeing eye under many House of Pizza tables. I suggest you look for yourselves.

Although many believe the Order of the Illuminati is no longer active, Paul insists that’s just what they want you to think. “There is abundant evidence that the Illuminati exists and our leaders are just puppets with no real control. I have studied it extensively on Youtube. Anyone with a computer can confirm this. The problem is the masses just believe whatever they’re told by mainstream media.”

Small, Gated Texas Community To End ‘Pizza Delivery Neutrality’

Small, Gated Texas Community Threatens to End 'Pizza Delivery Neutrality'

 

HOUSTON, Texas – 

The neighborhood of Comcast Trails near Houston, Texas has announced the adoption of  an unusual new revenue scheme. They are calling it the Express Pizza Service, and it has some residents at odds as to whether it is good for anyone who lives there.

Empire News spoke to local man Dan Howard, who explained how the small community plans to make money using dedicated gates and lanes for each local pizza eatery.

“Before we began this process, I could order a pizza from Papa Johns, Domino’s, Double Dave’s, or any other small pizza delivery place, and they would all get there around the same time, because they use the same roads, same entrance to the neighborhood, and the same traffic lights,” Howard explained. “This concept is commonly referred to as  ‘pizza delivery neutrality.’ However, my neighborhood wanted to become a gated community, so we requested bids from all the local pizza restaurants, and have reached a deal with Papa John’s to allow their drivers exclusive access to a special, new, faster entrance to the neighborhood. Domino’s drivers will have to pass through a different gate, slowing them slightly, but still allowing faster pizza delivery speeds than Double Dave’s, or any of the other local places, who will have to park their car outside of the neighborhood and carry the pizza into Comcast Trails community on foot.”

“We are very thrilled to be able to use the express lane to deliver to Comcast Trails community,” said Papa John’s spokesman Arnold Jones. “The folks in Comcast Trails are some of the fattest people in the country, and they eat more pizza per-household than anywhere else in the United States. Being able to get to them faster means they’re more likely to order from us than any other local establishment.”

Double Dave’s and other mom-and-pop pizza restaurants say it’s “completely unfair” that they are forced to walk into Comcast Trails when others get to use the fast lane.

“We can’t afford to pay the kind of money that Domino’s or Papa John’s can pay, leaving us in the dust,” said Double Dave’s spokesman Charles DeMar. “Basically, when someone orders from us in Comcast Trails, we’re going to have to really haul ass to make it to their house. It’s about a quarter of a mile from the gate to the closest house, so we’re expecting to be hiring a lot of very fit, young athletes to be delivery drivers from here on out.”

At press time, UPS and Federal Express were also engaged in a bidding war over exclusive access to the newly-proposed Express Delivery gates.

Food Study Shows Papa John’s Pizza Crust, Boxes Have Identical Ingredients

Food Study Shows Papa John's Pizza Crust, Boxes Have Identical Ingredients

 

LOUISVILLE, Kentucky –

Papa John’s is known for its fast, cheap, and convenient pizza, and it’s obnoxious commercials that always prominently feature owner and founder John Schnatter. The company has been all over the media in recent years, facing controversy over poor wages and their stance on healthcare for employees.

Although the media scrutiny has worn off in the last several months, it looks as though it’s set to rise again. After a recent food study, performed by world-renowned doctors and scientists, it was discovered that Papa John’s pizza and take-out boxes are made from the same ingredients.

During a test on their sauces, cheese, and dough, scientists found that the company has been cutting corners by using recycled pizza boxes as a base for their product. The scientists were initially hired by Papa John’s, working with the company to help create a new pizza dough recipe.

Dr. Tom Matosaus claims that when bringing up the problem to CEO John Schnatter, he denied all claims. “He’s in some serious denial, I tell you. He went on and on about how their company had the best pizza crust in the entire nation, and if they didn’t, he wouldn’t be worth over half a billion dollars. He talked a lot about money, actually. Way more than he talked about pizza.”

“To be honest, it’s not going to hurt you to eat their pizza,” said scientist Dr. Moe Zarella. “Just because the founder is a little on the annoying side, and just because their pizza is made out of the same things as their carryout boxes, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a good slice once in awhile!”

Neither Schnatter nor any company representatives have yet to comment on the controversy, but they are urging customers to try their new pizza deal.

“Only 11.99 for a large specialty pizza, delivered right to your door!” said Schnatter. “Ignore the naysayers. You love our pizza. Just listen to your Papa. Mmmm, it’s delicious!”

 

Pizza Delivery Driver Who Was Given $1,300 Tip Admits He Spent It All On Weed

INDIANAPOLIS, Indiana – empire news pizza delivery

Two months ago, Jerry Maynor was just an average, 20-something pizza delivery driver. That all changed on a night in October, when Maynor delivered a pizza to the Alpha Beta Delta fraternity at Indianapolis Chapel University. There, the fraternity, made up of mostly Christian students, presented Maynor with a check for over $1300, as a tip in the name of Jesus.

When the news broke, Maynor became the face of every pizza delivery driver in the country, and not unsurprisingly, applications for delivery drivers at chains such as Pizza Hut, Dominos, and even mom-and-pop pizza restaurants, when up astronomically. Everyone wanted to be the next person who would be at the receiving end of such generosity.

Once the spotlight faded on Maynor, he went back to his quiet life of delivering pizzas and getting normal, $1 and $2 tips, assuming he made it within the assigned 15 minute delivery time. Empire News reached out to Maynor during a quick break from his delivery route, where he explained how excited he was to have gotten such a big tip.

“It’s a great feeling you know, it was just amazing to get that kind of money,” said Maynor. ” I was freaking the hell out, because that’s more money than I make in two months delivering pizza, and I couldn’t wait to spend it.”

Not surprisingly, what Maynor said he spent the money on was beer, weed, and metal CDs.

“They might have given me that money in the name of the Lord, or whatever, but screw that. Once it was in my hands, that money was going straight to getting me as high as fucking possible,” laughed Maynor. “I mean shit, that amount of money can buy you a ton of weed in Indiana. I also had bought some Five Finger Death Punch CDs to listen to while delivering, and I had a little party with some friends, and bought a bunch of beer. We had an awesome time.”

Maynor says that the money might have been ‘better spent’ catching up on rent and his car payments, but that he figured since it was a tip, he could use it to have fun.

“All my tip money goes to buying bags and beer,” said Maynor. “It’s a tip, bro, it’s not my paycheck. That money goes to bills, tip money is for having fun and getting as wasted as possible. Thanks be to Jesus, or whatever, for those Christian bros over at Chapel. It was the greatest tip ever!”

 

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