ISIS Supporter In Houston Beaten Unconscious By Army Veteran

HOUSTON, Texas – ISIS Supporter In Houston Beaten Unconscious By Army Veteran

The Militants of the Islamic State in Iraq and al-Sham (ISIS) have lately become the most fanatical radical organization in the world. Cult-like recruiting tactics have gone global, with reports of American citizens lending support, and even traveling overseas to pledge their allegiance to the anti-American group.

Yesterday in Houston at Dodson Lake Park, one such supporter who had decided to speak out in favor of the terrorist organization and against America was beaten unconscious by a US Army veteran.

The anti-American speaker, whose name has been withheld until a security check can be fully completed, insisted he was exercising his Constitutional freedom of speech rights when he began approaching strangers at the popular water park/playground and quoting from the pro-ISIS leaflets he was handing out.

Vietnam and Gulf War war veteran Jim McDaniels, 61, was spending the day with his wife and twin granddaughters when he noticed a man who he described as ‘a little jumpy’ walking up to everyone handing out leaflets.  “He walked over to us, kind of pushed the thing in our face and said ‘spread the word,’ so I took it,” explained McDaniels. “Then he started to walk away.  The paper had all these symbols on it, pictures of ISIS guards and a map of the United States with a big red X on it next to a frowny face.  ‘Is this shit for real?’ I asked him. I never swear, mind you. But it was so hateful it got under my skin. That’s why I decided to tell this guy to get lost,” said McDaniels.

The vet walked over to the unidentified speaker and asked him to stop handing out the anti-American material.  “I was telling him for his own good – you don’t pick a place like Houston to start talking against the government – you’re gonna get your butt kicked. I just wanted him to get the hell away.”

The protester didn’t take kindly to the advice offered to him by McDaniels. “He got in my face,” said McDaniels, “and started saying it’s his right to say whatever he wants, the US has oppressed people all over the world, blah blah blah and all this other junk.  I fought for his right to speak in not one but two wars, and told him so. Once he found out I was a veteran, he started calling me a traitor, and that’s when I lost it.  I clocked the guy – one punch and boom down he went.  My family stepped in and pulled me away.”

Now the protester is suing McDaniels. “It doesn’t surprise me a bit,” said the veteran. “I knocked the guy out cold.  It’s funny, though, because if he’s so anti-America, he certainly isn’t showing it by doing the most American thing there is and taking me to court.”

As for the lawsuit, McDaniels isn’t worried.  “Believe it or not, I’m not mad at the guy.  I’m sure he’s harmless, but severely misguided, obviously. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I’ve got a lawyer, we’ll figure something out, but I don’t think he’ll be coming around the park again any time soon.”

UFC Fighter Punches Himself In The Face, Gets Knocked Out During Bout

BANGOR, Maine – UFC Fighter Punches Himself In The Face, Gets Knocked Out During Bout

A UFC fighter has set a new record for being the only person ever to knock himself out during a fight. The event took place Friday, August 15, 2014 during a preliminary fight in Bangor, Maine. This was fighter Ryan Crystler’s debut in the UFC, and although coming in as a favorite from the independent circuit, left a rather embarrassing first impression for a lot of people who witnessed the event live.

Crystler appeared that he had the fight won during the first round, throwing punch after punch to his opponent, and landing some real heavy blows. Things unfortunately took a turn for Crystler during round two, when a punch he threw bounced of his competitor’s face, and he ended up slamming himself in the chin, ending the bout.

When Crystler woke up from being knocked out, he still attempted to fight. The referee had to make it clear that the fight was over because of the knockout. Crystler’s opponent, Frankie Saenz, looked just as shocked as he did when the fight was called.

“I was taking some punches to the face, and then the fight was just over. I didn’t realize he hit himself, so at first I thought they were calling the fight because I was getting slammed on,” said Saenz. “I couldn’t believe that I won until I saw him laying there, his lip all busted open. He was out for the count. I honestly had to stifle a laugh.”

Due to the craziness of this fight, Dana White and a committee with the UFC are under discussion to how to call the bout. While technically being a knockout, they don’t want to reward Saenz with the KO because he wasn’t the one who performed the punch. They are also unsure whether to mark it as a knockout for Crystler, or whether to count it as a loss.


Hasbro To Create Home Version of “Knockout Game”

PAWTUCKET, Rhode Island – empire-news-hasbro-releasing-home-version-of-knockout-game-ghetto-fights2

Now your son or daughter can experience all the thrills and excitement of living in a dangerous ghetto, but from the comfort of your family living room. Hasbro, the company behind such game and toy classics as Monopoly and GI Joe, has announced today their plans to release a version of the dangerous “Knockout Game” for children.

The “Knockout game” is one of many names given by American news media to street assaults in which one or more assailants attempt to knock out an unsuspecting victim, often with a single violent haymaker, merely for their amusement or for “internet notoriety” when posted to YouTube and other websites.

A representative for Hasbro, Theodore Thomas, said that this is the first time the company has created a new product based on a street game.

“We’ve released everything from marbles to Monopoly, but we’ve never had a game where kids could take swings at each other before.” Said Thomas. “We’re really excited to launch our new Knockout Game: Home Edition! I know I’ll be giving it to my kids for Christmas, and really let them go at each other!”

Head designer for Hasbro, Greg Starscream, said that the game would play a lot like toy competitor Schilling’s “Socker Boppers,” but with points and a “winner.”

“We took the best things about punching people in the face, and added a twist to it.” Said Starscream. “You put on our (patent pending) silicone and foam rubber gloves, which each have an electronic points system built in. The players will take turns punching each other, and whoever gets “knocked out” first loses.”

Thomas said that despite the violent idea behind the game, there should be no safety concerns for parents, as the company has taken every precaution and safety measure.

“The difference between the real version of the Knockout Game and ours, is that you don’t actually have to physically knock someone out in the home version. Our points system will beep every time you score a point. Think of it as a new-age version of Rock ’em-Sock ’em Robots – but you get to do the punching!”

Hasbro plans on releasing their Knockout Game: Home Edition by the middle of October, just in time for the Christmas rush.


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