President Trump Set To Legalize Marijuana on a Federal Level

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

President Trump announced earlier this morning via Twitter that he would be legalizing marijuana on a federal level, which would automatically lift restrictions in every state, even those that have yet to set up legalization and retail options.

“At this point, there’s really no reason to continue classifying it as a Schedule 1 drug,” tweeted President Trump. “Everyone smokes it, or eats it in delicious little pastries and candies. Frankly, edibles are the only reason I can sleep at night myself. It’s been a long battle with wasted trillions of dollars, and I want it to stop.”

The President went on to say that the influx of tax revenue at the state and federal levels would be astronomical.

“Colorado can buy whatever they want, because it’s huge out there,” said Trump. “They can pay for education, healthcare, new roads, whatever. They can do that because of weed taxes. This is going to make the American people rich. Now we will be able to start building that wall!”

DENVER, Colorado –

Colorado has been in the news all year for being the first state to legalize marijuana for recreational use, and it looks as though the state is at it again, but this time with a different, and slightly more controversial, drug. The Colorado state legislature has decided to legalize the street drug crystal meth.

Crystal meth is a highly addictive drug that send millions to rehab or to their deaths each year. Meth has been around for years, but became extremely popular after the Showtime TV series Breaking Bad hit the air. While producers only cared about the show brining in huge ratings, everyone ignored the fact that it was also brining in thousands and thousands of new users to the drug. Local venders have been selling the drug for medical purposes in Colorado for a few days, and claim that it has plenty of medical benefits when used the right way.

“If you are a lazy natured person, meth can give you that boost coffee can’t and you can get a lot done.” Said a local meth vender who wished to remain anonymous.

With the drug becoming legal in Colorado, some would ask how this may effect the sales of marijuana. Pot venders appear to be upset, while their customers couldn’t be happier about the move that the state made.

“Finally! I mean it was cool to smoke weed in the middle of the streets for about a week, but everyone knows weed is just a gateway, and I really needed them to legalize a better drug that will get me really high.” Said Boulder resident Mike Sherman.

It is unclear if this bill will stay in place for long, as opposing parties are already trying to tear it down. Politicians behind it are claiming it is simply a supply-and-demand issue.

“If they want people to not buy drugs legally, then for crying out loud they should shut down every Starbucks in the United States.” Said Colorado representative John Spector (D). “Marijuana, meth – what’s the difference? The revenue the state is bringing in, it’s astronomical. Health is one thing, but we’re talking about money here.”