Donald Sterling Agrees To Sell Clippers, Plans To Buy Redskins

LOS ANGELES, California –¬†Donald Sterling Agrees To Sell Clippers, Plans To Buy Redskins

Donald Sterling, disgraced Los Angeles Clippers owner, has announced that he will agree to sell the team, bringing an end to the months-long legal battle between himself and the NBA. Sterling however, does not plan to go quietly into the night, and is in talks with Redskins owner Dan Snyder over a proposed deal to purchase the team, which has had its own issues with perceived racism as of late. Sterling spoke to ESPN Reporter Erin Andrews about his reasoning.

“Well, honey, it seems like my welcome in LA is worn out. They say I’m antiquated, a relic, and maybe I am. Sure, I’m a little over the hill, but I still enjoy the company of a lovely lady like yourself. I also enjoy the thrill of owning a sports franchise. Those beautiful black bodies exerting themselves to achieve a common goal. I imagine that’s how the South was built. I heard mumblings around the country club that Danny was getting fed up with this whole ‘racial slur’ garbage, and I thought to myself, ‘Now that’s a team I could own’. Of course if the deal goes through, I’ll have to clear up the nonsense with these bloodsuckers trying to soak up legal fees by forcing a great football franchise to change its identity. Mind you, I’ve got a few papers to sign yet, but we’ve already hammered out the particulars. As near as I can recall, Washington was built on the backs of the black man. Even now, they have that black quarterback. A real workhorse, that one. I’ll be damn proud to call him my own. As far as the name business goes, those damn Indians should be glad we let them hang around as we turned this wilderness into the great land that it is today, not to mention naming a premier sports franchise in their honor.”

Andrews, looking incredulous, asked Mr. Sterling what he thought of Roger Goodell, the league commissioner, making a public statement regarding his promise to fight tooth-and-nail to keep him from buying the team.

“That old Irishman? He’s not as tough as he makes himself out to be. I was a Jew in this country before being a Jew was an admirable thing. I know a thing or two about being told ‘no.’ Despite the anti-semites in the business world, I scratched and clawed my way to the top. If that ginger b——¬†thinks he can keep me from achieving my goals, he’s in for a real big surprise. He’s the one who’s got a problem with race, not me. You should have heard him on the phone the other day. He sounded like a red-haired Hitler. I don’t care if he is the Fuhrer of the NFL, his little legal team is no match for my legislative wehrmacht. I’ll get my team, and I’ll pay those Indians their price, and we’ll get this damn thing back on the right track.”

Roger Goodell could not be reached for comment, but a league spokesman was willing to address the possible Sterling buyout.

“The league feels that he’s a crazy old man that shouldn’t be involved in running anything. There are no plans at this time to let Mr. Sterling buy anything, but as he has said, people have tried to hold him back from his goals his entire life. I’d say that there is at least an outside chance that Donald Sterling could be the next owner of the Washington Redskins.

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