Caitlyn Jenner Upset People Already Stopped Talking About Her

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Bruce Jenner Praised As 'American Hero,' Transgender People Everywhere Bored By News

LOS ANGELES, California – 

Caitlyn Jenner is reportedly ‘extremely upset’ that news outlets have stopped talking about her, and sources are saying that she is looking for her next big announcement and “courageous act” to get back in the news.

“In the 70s, Bruce Jenner was a hero for doing something sports related, which is just stupid – athletes aren’t heroes, and neither are Olympians. They’re just playing games,” said Richard Mario, a reported for the LA Times. “Now, Bruce Jenner has become Caitlyn Jenner, and we all reported on that. Blah blah, she’s a hero for doing it in the public eye, blah blah. She’s not a hero for transitioning, either. She’s still a bigoted, anti-gay marriage, rich republican. People have realized it, and that’s why they’re not talking about her.”

According to her closest friends, Jenner says that she may transition back to being a man just so that her name can be in magazines and newspapers again.

“She’s really upset, and she’s trying to think of what she can do so that people don’t stop talking about her,” said her friend, Marianne Jones. “I think her Kardasihan former step-children have really gotten to her, and now she wants to be just like them. She’s even talking about transitioning back into a man! I mean, she was on the cover of Vogue, now she could go back and be on the cover of Men’s Health!”

At Least 6 Confirmed Deaths Of White People During Ferguson Riots Ignored By Mainstream Media

FERGUSON, Missouri – At Least 6 Confirmed Deaths Of White People During Ferguson Riots Ignored By Mainstream Media

Reportedly, at least two white women and 4 white men have died in the Ferguson Riots currently stemming from the Michael Brown ruling, but mainstream media – including FOX News, CNN, and MSNBC – are too afraid to report on these deaths, in fear of enticing white people to join in on the riots and looting and causing a possible race war.

Mildred Crocker was the first white woman to die in the midst of the riots. Her grandson, Dave Crocker, is outraged that his interview with local news station KKTY has not made it on any national, or even local, networks.

“My grandmother went out to get her prescriptions filled, oblivious to the chaos out here. Grams doesn’t have TV and doesn’t care about news. Anyway, she saw so many spooks at once she fell to the curb, clutching her heart. Then those damn black EMTs passed right by her, instead attending to some stupid gang-banger looking motherf—– with a gash in his head. Grams was 72. She could’ve lived to 102 if those jigaboos had gotten her in that ambulance right away.”

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Cindy Vanthomme, 38, was trampled to death as the initial peaceful protests turned to riots. As she lay bleeding on the ground, other rioters reportedly trampled her, and stripped her of the nine Chanel and Gucci handbags s that she had been carrying, stolen earlier from a local pawn shop. According to her well-to-do white family, Vanthomme hadn’t personally stolen them, and had more than likely been intending to turn the handbags into police.

“We are trying our best to make sure that the current level of violence does not increase, so we’ve taken steps to make sure certain ‘stories’ stay within the area,” said Joseph Goldsmith, a National Guard spokesman on duty in Ferguson. “The local police have made sure to remove all white police officers active response duty, so if anyone gets shot looting, it’s going to be a black on black crime. The National Guard has taken similar precautions. As white people, we can’t take any chances, here.”

“We ain’t allowed to show white solidarity,” says a long-time Caucasian Ferguson resident, who asked not to be named for his own safety. “People are forgetting about the struggle of the poor white man. My cousin Jacob was shot dead in his trailer by a cop for pointing the remote control at the TV. When that happened, no one said, ‘hey that shit’s not right. How ’bout we bust into a store and get that new TV we been wantin?’ There were no riots when Jacob was killed. Maybe I shoulda done something, but I’m just so Goddamn lazy, you know?”

As the aftermath of the Michael Brown decision rages on, many people throughout the country are demanding more balanced coverage. Even obviously biased news sources like Fox News, who as the most stuffy, Republican channel on TV are often caught criticizing blacks and other minorities, continue to ignore the stories of white deaths. Sadly, it appears the deaths of Crocker and Vanthomme will pass by America unnoticed, while more and more violence continues in Missouri.

Bill Cosby On Ferguson Riots: ‘Anything To Get The News Media Off My Ass’

HOLLYWOOD, California – Bill Cosby On Ferguson Riots- 'Anything To Get The News Off My Ass'

Comedian Bill Cosby has been the butt of many jokes and the talk of the media lately, as allegations of rape and sexual assault have sprung up from several women, including former model Janice Dickinson and Law & Order: SVU actress Michel Hurd.

Despite these horrendous stories overtaking his entire life and ruining a career most people assumed ended in 1992, Cosby has been relatively quiet about the allegations, only speaking once to deny any wrong-doing, and otherwise deflecting comments to his lawyers and agents.

Cosby had a new, planned series put on indefinite hiatus by NBC, a Netflix stand-up special cancelled, and even TV Land stopped showing old episodes of The Cosby Show – because obviously you aren’t allowed to be entertained by him anymore now that you know he’s an (alleged) rapist.

Because he’s prominent and black, Cosby was asked this morning about the horrors of the Ferguson, Missouri riots that are happening in the wake of the Michael Brown shooting verdict.

“Whatever keeps the news media off my ass is fine by me,” said Cosby. “My ass is old and tired, and doesn’t need this kind of abuse. Them Ferguson folks can loot, pillage, plunder, riot, murder – whatever they gotta do to make themselves happy. The longer it goes, the less people will be thinking about me. Instead of a 12-hour exposé on whether or not I raped a bunch of women, CNN can do one on race relations in Missouri. Now please – just let me enjoy my pudding pops in peace.”

If you’re feeling a bout of extreme pity or you have an unbreakable nostalgic urge for sweaters, you can catch Cosby on his national stand-up tour happening now through May, 2015.

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