Shocking Truth Behind ‘The Bachelorette’ Andi Dorfman, Josh Murray Split; Couple Finds Out They’re Blood Relatives

ATLANTA, Georgia –

In an unprecedented mind-twisting turn of events, the world of reality television has once again fooled the gullible masses of the mega-hit ABC reality series ‘The Bachelorette’. Andi Dorfman, the main character on the tenth-season of the hit reality television series, has revealed the bizarre and suspicious reason behind her split with contest winner Josh Murray.

“After we enlisted the assistance of a professional genealogy expert, mainly as a joke to find out if we were some crazy distant relatives, the findings ultimately devastated the both of us. Josh Murray is my biological uncle. We both vomited when the document was shown to us, proving it,” A visibly shaken Dorfman told journalist Marlon Harvick of the Atlanta Daily Journal.

As the news was leaked earlier today, fans of the show, which surprisingly numbers in the thousands, are understandably both dumbfounded and suspicious of this brain-rattling revelation. Mary Gregory of Athens, Georgia thinks it is indeed too shocking of a coincidence to actually believe. “There is just no way! They just happened to find this out now? Or was the show rigged from the start? I am starting to question the overall authenticity of reality television,” she said.

The public is demanding answers from reality TV producers. “Was the show rigged? Is it just a coincidence of monstrous proportions? Obviously, this is one gigantic can of worms that has been ripped open,” said viewer Miranda Jordan. “This stunning news will no doubt keep us all entranced in front of our television for days.”

ABC officials have not released a statement regarding Dorfman’s claim.

SILVER SPRING, Maryland –

President and CEO of Discovery Communications Inc., David M. Zaslav, announced today that the upcoming season of ‘Shark Week’, its 28th, will be the series finale. The once-a-year series started on July 17, 1987, and has developed a very unique cult following. Zaslav, in an early morning press conference said that more and more people, obsessed with the annual week-long event, are going out on their own and trying to make contact with sharks, which has led to more frequent shark attacks.

“We actually feel that we have created this manifestation of desire for human beings to want to go out and swim with sharks, which people are doing more and more, and we feel responsible,” Zaslav stated. “Shark Week has run its course, it has reached the point where people are actually trying to go out and make contact with these incredible, yet extremely dangerous fish, which obviously, they have no business doing.”

The number of provoked shark attacks has greatly increased in the last three years according to the International Shark Attack Committee. “The last few years people have gone out, without professional supervision, and have attempted to swim with the untamed beasts which, on several occasions, has led to what we label as a ‘provoked attack,'” said IPSA chairman Paul Hart.

PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) has applied a gauntlet of pressure to executives at the Discovery Channel over the years to bring an end to the show. Founder Alex Pacheco has publicly stated on several occasions that the Discovery is ‘endangering sharks while making them more defensive and violent.’

“What they are doing is putting not only stupid, uninformed people at risk, but more importantly, they are putting these beautiful creatures in danger at the hands of man. They are totally promoting human interaction with sharks. This has got to stop!” Pacheco said earlier this year at a PETA convention in Mobile, Alabama.

Many PETA members believe that Pacheco is the mastermind behind Discovery waving the white flag of surrender.

“It is time for the world to stop acting macho and start listening to us, we know what we are talking about, everyone else, especially in this country, are ignorant with animals,” Longtime PETA fundraising coordinator Jennifer Bangs said. “It starts with them killing and eating innocent, loving pigs and cows, and now they’re trying to swim with sharks. They’re just going to kill and eat them, too! It is sickening. Discovery needs to be stopped. They glorify the killing of millions of crab in their idiotic show Deadliest Catch, and killing bears and moose in other shows. Finally it seems that Discovery is bowing down to PETA. The downfall of the network has begun.”

Zaslav was asked whether PETA had anything to do with the upcoming season of Shark Week being its last, he said, “Absolutely not. Those people are just on some mission to be against the world and just want to complain. We do not condone the useless harming of fish and animals, so I don’t have any idea why they would even begin to believe they deserve a voice in the matter. The organization is absolutely laughable, they need to be exposed for what the are, but that is a show we will have to be broadcast another day.” Zaslav then laughed along with the press corp, adding, “Seriously, we have plans to document and expose PETA for the joke that they are.”

The twenty-eighth and final installment of ‘Shark Week’ premiers on the Discovery Channel on Sunday, August 10th.