NEW YORK CITY, New York –
If you were planning on hitting the Big Apple tonight, you may need to make a change of plans. According to the FBI, they’ve had to force planners to cancel the ball dropping in Times Square, an event that has taken place for decades.
According to the reanimated corpse of Dick Clark, who has been hosting Dick Clark’s Rockin’ Eve for the last 90 years or so, the event normally goes off without a hitch, but this year, federal authorities were worried about issues arising from ISIS.
“I’ve been dead for a few years, so I’m not really up on this ISIS thing,” said the zombie Dick Clark. “Ryan Seacrest has been hosting this show for the last few years, and he tells me that since no one is really watching it anymore anyway, it’s not really a big loss that we won’t be doing it.”
Thousands of people had already gathered in New York City by the time of this writing, although police say they are working with the national guard to peacefully disperse the crowds.