Johnson & Johnson Announce New Tylenol With THC To Hit Market In Select Cities

BENTONVILLE, Arkansas –

Johnson & Johnson, the makers behind Tylenol pain reliever, announced today their intentions to begin selling their name-brand product with a THC additive. The company says that along with helping in pain relief, the THC also creates a “mild euphoric effect,” which can help patients in chronic pain.

“We’ve been studying the effects of marijuana, and its active ingredient, THC, for many years,” said Johnson & Johnson spokesman Hal Williams. “When combined with acetaminophen, the active ingredient of Tylenol, THC will work wonders in helping patients in long-term, chronic pain, to get some relief.”

Williams says that the company will only be marketing the product in places where medical or recreational marijuana has been made legal, but that they hope that, within a few years, they will be able to sell it openly, over-the-counter, everywhere in the United States.

“America has made leaps and bounds in legalizing marijuana and THC, specifically, but we’re not all the way there yet,” said Williams. “Johnson & Johnson definitely supports the efforts of groups looking to legalize, and we openly support the idea that this plant can be used as a medicine to treat many diseases.”

DENVER, Colorado –

TriKom Treats, a marijuana edibles company, will soon release what promises to be the most addictive meat ever – THC infused bacon. Because of the processing, the bacon will actually be lower in fat and sodium than traditional bacon , but even more delicious. It will come in two flavors, hickory smoked wake and bake and mellow-morning maple.

Eric Nawfel, weed connoisseur, says marijuana users these days aren’t satisfied with just smoking anymore. “They want to get blazed at least three different ways before noon. I start my day with cannabis infused coffee, bacon, and a blunt. That’s the way you do it.”

Owners of TriKom Treats say 10% of the proceeds will go to funding cancer research. Brandon Lewis, who worked out the bacon recipe and is an owner of TriKom Treats, hopes this product will do a lot of good.

“What if a person’s doctor prescribed bacon to cancer patients. That would be rad, man,” said Lewis.