Hillary Clinton Offered $5M To Make Adult Film With Company Vivid Video

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Hillary Clinton Insisting Staff Refer To Her As 'Mrs. President'

LOS ANGELES, California –

Hillary Clinton is taking on a new type of job that may make her numbers drop in the polls.

Trying to keep her name high in the political spotlight through possible scandal, including a massive email snafu, has not been easy. In an extremely surprising change of character, it was announced today that Clinton has signed a multi-million dollar contract with Vivid Video, a well-known adult entertainment company. Neither Vivid not Clinton have commented on exactly what the terms of her deal are, as far as sexual acts that will appear in the film.

Inside sources say that Vivid has begun auditioning actors for a new adult film they plan to release this winter called Bend Me Over BenghaziThe film’s plot is described as a being about a young woman struggling to make it to the top of the hectic, scary, and vile world of politics, all while she uses her orifices to climb the ladder of success. Presumably, Clinton is serving as Vivid’s go-to for information on the behind-the-scenes intrigue and goings-on of political life.

Despite Vivid trying to keep their deal a secret, they did comment saying “What people are saying about our contract and deals, they may or may not be true. Just watch our website cum (sic) the end of the year, and you can see for yourself what we’re up to.”

With the news breaking right as Trump takes a lead in the polls, questions abound as to whether Clinton still plans to stay in the race. Her normally staunch supporters seem to be less-than-thrilled about the news of her working in the adult industry, even if she doesn’t end up working in front of the camera.

“You can’t run a country if the people you are in control of know what you look like naked,” said Anthony Wiener, former New York State congressman. “I know that once I sent out all those cock pics to everyone, there was no way I was becoming president.”

“I don’t know what her deal is, and I don’t care,” Said current vice-president Dick Cheney. “All I know is that if she ends up in a porno, that is one tape that I definitely have to see.”

Bend Me Over Benghazi is scheduled for release in November. Clinton and her representatives refused comment for this article.

Big Sean Alleges He Has Naya Rivera Sex Tape; Looks To Sell For $75M

HOLLYWOOD, California – Big Sean Alleges He Has Naya Rivera Sex Tape; Looks To Sell For 25M

Over the years, Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Pamela Anderson, Tonya Harding, and many more bared all on camera, and had their sex tapes leaked or sold to the public. Now, hip-hop artist Sean Anderson, better known by his stage name Big Sean, is looking for buyers of an alleged sex tape he made with Naya Rivera while the couple were engaged.

“This tape is a hot commodity, for sure. This isn’t just some has-beens or wannabes screwing on camera to get famous, this is two big names at the peak of their careers,” said Hollywood reporter Dennis Diamond. ”If it’s real, then everybody will want to get their hands on this tape. I mean, Naya Rivera isn’t exactly ugly or anything, if you know what I mean. If I had to guess whether or not a tape like this existed, though, I’d say no way in hell.” 

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“Let me just say here that I’m already tired of hearing ‘Naya this’ and ‘Naya that.’ This isn’t the Naya Rivera hour, bitches. I am the star of this tape, not Naya. They don’t call me ‘Big Sean’ for nothing,” the rapper said. ”Yeah, sure Naya is pretty, but it’s me that’s packing a fire hose down there. Big Sean don’t lie. I’m holding out for big bucks with this one. I want $75 mil plus for this tape, which has it all, baby. It also finally answers the question of whether you can put 20 pounds of potatoes in a 10 pound sack. The answer is yes, with leverage and tons of lubricant. Someone better buy this tape, I gotsta get paid.” 

Karen Belton, River’s manager, said that aside from talking confusingly in both the first and third person, Big Sean is “completely full of shit.”

“There is no sex tape, and if there is, Naya is definitely not in it. Further, if there was a sex tape, Naya definitely would not give her permission for its release, so there isn’t going to be any payday here. Big Sean can just sit home and play with his Little Sean until the cows come home, because no one is ever seeing any tape of Naya in the nude, or engaged in any sex acts.”

Big Sean’s current girlfriend, Ariana Grande, had no comment on her man trying to make money off of sex with a former girlfriend. The couple, who have recently been subject to rumors that they were on the outs after Sean cheated, seemed cozy recently in pictures posted on their respective Instagram accounts.

A spokesman for Vivid Video, a major distributor of celebrity sex tapes and adult films, laughed and then immediately hung up the phone when reached for comment on the asking price of the sex tape.

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