Microchip in Store Savings Card Tracks More Than Spending Habits


ATLANTA, Georgia – 

Not only do they track your purchases, but they may be tracking your whereabouts. Drug, supermarket, and department store loyalty cards earn you rewards and savings, and in exchange they collect valuable purchase tracking data. In attempts to learn more about the average shopper habits, most chain stores have started also tracking their customers’ whereabouts, as well as listening to private conversations.

Some stores, though, say that they are not on board. Rite Aid CEO John Standley says he doesn’t believe in the microchipping. “It’s not right. It’s not Rite Aid. We believe in maintaining the privacy of our customers, and what keeps them coming back here are the great deals and the gasses we pump from the ceiling.”

Stockholders criticize Standley, saying the company is missing out on an opportunity for gain as tracking information can be sold to the illuminati at a premium.

“I have no idea why Rite Aid is so against tracking customers,” said Kroger store president Johnny Kroger. “We have been watching our customers for years, and tracking them with loyalty cards and credit card transactions. This is how we always know what to have, and when to have it.”

Experts say that you should immediately destroy and store cards that you have, regardless of what store it may be.

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