HOLLYWOOD, California –
Dreamworks Pictures has announced that Johnny Depp has been cast in the leading role of their next, as yet unnamed, big production. The screenplay is said to focus on an oddball actor who only accepts roles of weird characters in dark storylines.
“I’m very excited that I’ve been chosen to play this part,” said the Edward Scissorhands star. “It’s not what I’m used to, and it gives me confidence that directors recognize my adaptability.”
The basic plotline follows Donald Jepson, from his beginnings as a young actor as he slowly develops and gets pigeonholed into a very specific niche. Initially, Don is a regular young adult. He plays for a mediocre band which is going nowhere, until he gets cast in an action-comedy tv series. But as he progresses, he starts wearing irritating hats, with equally annoying scarves everywhere he goes. People start to view him as pretentious.
A pattern emerges. It seems Don is into weird things. He plays quirky, deformed, evil, and occasionally clinically insane characters. He often teams up with a director who has the same interests, and whose wife is a benefactor of his nepotistic disposition.
Casting of the secondary characters is yet to be finalized, but according to an unnamed Dreamworks source, a woman “who looks vaguely like she could be from the middle ages and is as pigeonholed as [Depp’s] character” is wanted. When asked if he had any premonition as to who it would be, Depp told us that he was stumped.
“I don’t know any actresses who fit that description. I’ve never worked with anyone like that, and I don’t know where they’re going to find her. Maybe they should ask Russell Crowe – he starred alongside a good one in that French film.”