University of New Hampshire To Close; Schools Deems Everything ‘Too Offensive’

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UNH

CONCORD, New Hampshire – 

After an internet firestorm was ignited over the University of New Hampshire releasing a “language guide” that lists the word ‘American’ as offensive, it seems as though the entire school system in the Granite State has decided to shut down permanently, finding that it is better to not teach the students at all in such an offensive environment.

“We decided it was best for the students of UNH to not learn anything at all than be forced to sit through classes, walk through campuses, eat school lunches, or attend school events that may be construed as ‘offensive,'” said Dean of Students Geraldine Charles. “The term ‘American’ was found offensive by at least one student, so we made a note of it in our language guide. Then, other students were offended that someone was offended. Then even more students were offended that those first students were offended, and soon, all we had was one big group of angry students who were more focused on being upset by something than learning about anything.”

“According to statistics, at least 1 out of every 2 people find every single post on the internet offensive, whether that be a picture of a cat, or a political statement, or a thought about a recent film,” said Dr. Joseph Thomas, who studies what people find offensive, and their overreactions to everything, at his offices at Cambridge. “Frankly, there is nothing at this point that someone, somewhere, won’t find offensive. And honestly, if we’re getting right down to brass tacks, that to me is pretty damn offensive.”

The University of New Hampshire may not be the only school to close its doors, after schools in New Mexico, Arizona, Delaware, and Georgia have also found that their idiot students may or may not get offended over everyday, casual concepts, words, and ideas, too.

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