Stephanie Kirkland, 26, a 2nd grade teacher at a Lake Tahoe area public school, was excited to learn a friend had an extra ticket to UFC 175: Weidman vs. Machida. It was with added surprise that she learned the seats were just one row from the cage.
As passing fights fan, Kirkland admitted that she had looked forward to the event, having never been to a live UFC show, but she in no way anticipated what would happen once she got to the venue.
Security camera footage clearly shows Kirkland walking into the fight with a group of friends. Kirkland is seen dressed in a t-shirt and jeans with her hair pulled back in a ponytail. From the footage, her friends appear to be clearly embarrassed to be seen with her slovenly appearance.Things only got worse from there.
Wanting to get the most out of the tickets, Kirkland had pressed her friends to arrive early so they could watch all of the preliminary fights and as such, the group represented the only filled seats in the first five rows of the arena. Reports are that people in the cheap seats wondered if they were there by mistake.
As the night progressed to the main card, the seats around her filled with more and more people. Kirkland seemed ambivalent to the looks and jeers around her as she watched the action.
“I thought people were yelling at the fighters,” Kirkland said, days after the event, “I dated a wrestler in high school, so I was following the action pretty well. It was fun – Until I realized they were yelling at me.”
Reports from cage side are that numerous chants of “You don’t look like a whore!” and “Why aren’t you texting during the fight?” continued for minutes at a time as Kirkland sat and watched the fight politely, not bothering anyone.
She wasn’t even staring at the other women, judging them, scoffing and laughing to herself about something only she found funny. Her behavior was considered suspect by arena security who had her under constant observation, except when women dressed like aspiring porn stars walked by.
Before the Rousey/Davis fight, Kirkland was finally approached by security and asked to step outside. At which time none of her friends acted like they knew her. Once outside, security closed the doors and her picture was distributed throughout the MGM Casino with orders not to allow her back inside.
Kirkland was forced to wait until the fights let out to find her friends, who were so ashamed of her that they wouldn’t even share a cab home.
“I was so embarrassed,” admitted Kelly Oswald, a friend of Kirkland’s since middle school. “I mean, here were are, with the chance to be seen on a pay-per-view event and have fan boys make GIFs of us showing our cleavage and she dresses like she’s going to baseball game.”
Oswald, whose UFC GIF has been featured for the last week when the nipple of one of her 36DD breasts slipped out of her size zero dress, thought for a moment. “No, not even baseball, because then we could get one of those special baseball jersey’s that show off your belly. This was totally unacceptable. She was dressed like a Mormon.”
Information released by leading cosmetic manufacturers suggests there could be as much as 72 pounds of fake eyelashes in the front row of any given UFC event. Sources in Las Vegas salons stated that they will often need emergency airdrops of hair dye and wax to prepare for the larger events.
Kirkland has subsequently been banned from the MGM Casino until such time as she can prove that she is aloof, disinterested ,and otherwise oblivious to the people around her while simultaneously posting selfies on Instagram in the middle of a five-round slugfest.