Bananas Imported From Brazil Found To Contain Spiders [VIDEO]

CARSON CITY, Kansas –

A man recently uploaded a video to YouTube showing a banana that he purchased as his local grocery store, and it’s definitely not a sight for fruit lovers. In the video, the banana bursts open, and a spider is seen leaping out from under the peel.

“It was definitely disturbing, and I’m glad that I didn’t open it and eat it, and that I saw something moving under the peel first,” said Miles Rogers, who filmed the video. “It was disgusting. I just wanted to eat a banana. I ate an apple instead. I could stomach a worm, maybe, but not a spider.”

According to recent reports, spiders have been making their way to the US from Brazil via bags of bananas. Several shoppers throughout the country have reported finding both live and dead spiders inside pre-packaged bags of bananas. Grocery stores are working hard to check fruits, but not every bag is always checked.

“If I were you, I’d buy my bananas fresh, local if it’s even possible, and definitely not in a bag,” said Rogers. “I will probably never eat a banana again. Between spiders and AIDS blood, there’s nothing that makes me want to risk it anymore.”

FORT DEVENS, Massachusetts –

Infamous Boston Marathon bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, 22, was the victim of an “unfortunate accident” yesterday at Ft. Devens Detention Center in Massachusetts, just a few short months after his high-profile trial and sentencing, according to warden Paul Jacobson.

Corrections officers reportedly found the terror suspect face down in a pool of his own blood in his cell; a banana peel was found on the floor nearby.

“It initially appeared as though Tsarnaev slipped on a discarded banana peel and hit the floor with such force that his head bounced off the hard tile surface, probably 16 or 17 times. There was blood everywhere – all over the walls, the floor, even the toilet. The injuries have caused massive brain trauma,” said prison investigator Joe Goldsmith. “We determined though, through expert analysis, that it would be impossible for these injuries to have occurred through a fall. Our investigation has shown that that it was the Aryan Brotherhood who initiated an attack on Tsarnaev.”

“Yes, it was the brotherhood who took care of that bomber,” said Miles Smith, head of the Aryan Nation inside Devens. “The other gangs, they wanted him, too. We paid the guards the most money to have a shot. They stood aside, and let us do what we do. On the way out, they shook our hands, told us ‘Thank you.’ Well, You’re welcome. You’re welcome, Boston. You’re welcome, America!”

“Normally, an attack this violent, this cruel, on another inmate would get any offending party more time added to their sentence,” said warden Jacobson. “Because of the nature of Tsarnaev’s crimes, though, we have decided to actually reduce the sentences of the Aryan members who were involved. They have done our prison and our country a great service, and we appreciate it immensely. They are heroes in the eyes of not only this institution, but also in the eyes of the people of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.”

Tsarnaev had pled not guilty to all thirty charges filed against him, but was found guilty on all counts in April. He was sentenced to the death penalty per the crimes committed.