SAN FRANCISCO, California –
For decades, the stereotype of angry, militant women who want all men dead has been the primary association in most American minds when it comes to Feminism. The term “Feminazis” was popularized over the last couple of decades, and members of the movement did nothing to change the perception.
Leaders within the Feminist community have announced that they are finally ready to embrace change, and shed their intimidating image. Rather, they’re going to portray themselves as “uppity bitches”.
“People are scared of us, and it’s getting in the way of our agendas being met,” said local Feminazi Rudolpha Hessa. “And who can blame them – we’re fucking terrifying. We’ll take down men like they’re nothing more than walking cocks. But we’ve realized that after all this time they still run the show, and they’re the most likely route to political change. Something has to give.”
And give it will. Women will still give men shit about gender equality, but it will be administered via a less threatening medium.
“Soccer moms are indomitable, but show me a man who is scared of them,” said Women’s Rights advocate, Jessica Hemp. “They moan, whine, shout insults, gossip, and generally get whatever the fuck they want. We, as feminists, have agreed that this way is far more likely to get the results we have long sought after.”
Male politicians have nervously chuckled, bracing themselves for the onslaught.
“My wife is an uppity bitch,” said conservative senator, Rick Santorum. “When she wants to buy something and I say no, she bitches and whines until I give in and just give her my credit card and whatever cash I have. There is no way we’ll be able to maintain the perfectly reasonable wage gap that somehow still exists in the face of Feminazism. They’ve found the formula, I’m sorry to say.”
Misogynists around the country have hung their heads and kicked themselves in the balls, in commemoration of their known enemies’ tactics.
“It’s not gonna be that simple anymore. A new age is upon us.”
