Flint, Michigan Begins Having Tap Water Imported From Mexico


FLINT, Michigan – 

Residents of Flint, Michigan have begun having been having their water imported from other states for quite some time, as the situation of their own water has been disasterous. But now, some residents have begun looking even further away, and are having their water imported from across the border in Tijuana.

“Our water is so bad, that Mexican tap water looks like crystal-clear spring water in comparison,” said Flint resident Mario Jones. “I can get about 50 gallons of Mexican tap water for about $5, which is a lot cheaper than here. Sure, it still gives me the shits, but that’s par for the course now. At least it doesn’t look like sewage.”

Mexico has been grateful for the business, with several companies across the border saying that they thought they would NEVER have use for tap water.

“Our water, it was muy disgustingo,” said Pedro Martinez. “But when I heard about the hydro crisis in Flint, I thought it was a good idea to start up a new company, and get them the water that they need. So I fill up about 200 gallon bottles a week, and I drive them into Arizona, where it can be shipped much cheaper. It’s a great deal for me. My family has lots of extra pesos now.”

10-Year-Old Girl Receives Breast Implants From Mexican Doctor

LONDON, England – mother pays for 10-year-old girl to receive breast implants

Sarah Burge has been making international headlines for close to a decade as the ‘human Barbie,’ a woman who has spent almost a million dollars on plastic surgery and body augmentation. She last made waves in the news in 2011, when she gifted her then 7-year-old daughter, Poppy, a gift voucher for almost $16,000 worth of surgery in the form of  breast implants. She said that the voucher, although extravagant, could not be used until Poppy turned 18.

Since that time, Burge has apparently changed her mind, recently allowing and paying for her daughter, who is now 10, to get breast implants. The pair had to fly to Mexico to find a doctor willing to perform the surgery on such a young child.

“Poppy kept bugging me to have it done,” said Burge. “She’d stomp her feet and throw a tantrum, and say things like ‘Mommy, you had your first surgery at 7! I’m 10 now! I want my surgery!’ After awhile, I realized that she was right, and I had to give in.”

Burge says that she did try many clinics in both the UK and the US first, and every doctor she spoke to turned her down flat. Some even threatened to inform child protective services.

“They were very rude, very crass,” says Burge of the doctors she spoke to. “I even offered to pay double their normal price for the cosmetic surgery, and the still refused. We finally found Dr. Rodriguez in Tijuana, and he was willing to perform the surgery for actually a lot less than anyone else.”

Dr. Jose Rodriguez is a non-certified plastic surgeon who works out of his offices, which are actually just small rooms attached to his apartment, in Tijuana, Mexico.

“I have been a surgeon for many, many years,” claims Rodriguez. “Sarah came to me after being turned down by lots of doctors. People with ethics and concerns for children. Me, I don’t have those things. I performed the surgery, and it went very, very well. Young girl, she has a great set of breasts now. She is going to be a beautiful woman, just like her mama.”

Burge’s young daughter, Poppy, said that she loved the experience of the surgery, and cannot wait to have more of them.

“I really want to get my ears trimmed back, like Mommy,” said Poppy. “I also want to get my butt tucked in and my hips shaved down. I don’t like my fingers, so I might have them shaved down, too. I also want to have my eyes dyed a different color and to have my lips puffed way out like Mommy’s. I want to be beautiful.”

“Plastic surgery is a multi-billion dollar industry throughout the world,” said Rodriguez. “It makes people happy, makes them feel better about themselves. What’s wrong with that?”

Burge has reportedly gifted several other vouchers to Poppy over the last few birthdays and holidays, including a $12,000 voucher for liposuction and $15,000 for various additional cosmetic surgery. These vouchers usually come as birthday gifts, at parties where Burge spends anywhere from $40,000 to $75,000 for Poppy and her friends.

“I like to make her happy. Everything I do is for my Poppy,” said Burge. “I can afford to do anything and everything to make her dreams come true, so why wouldn’t I do it?”


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