50 Shades of Grey First Film to Be Age- and Gender-Restricted; Only Showing to Women Over 40

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50 Shades of Grey First Film to Be Age- and Gender-Restricted; Only Showing to Women Over 40

 

HOLLYWOOD, California –

With less than a week to go before the premiere of the much anticipated film version of 50 Shades of Grey, MPAA authorities have shocked the public with the announcement that the sexually explicit production will be the first gender-segregated movie.

“We set the age-restriction at 40 years old, and the gender-restriction to apply to females,” said ratings supervisor, Billy Jensen. “Some will see it as a bit extreme, but we’re doing it out of genuine concern for society. While most middle-aged women have already been exposed to the book trilogy, other demographics are still safe. Now that there is easier access through the medium of film, we worry that young adult men and women will seek it out.”

Author E. L. James claimed to be un-phased by the news.

“I wrote those books to express my own physical urges,” she said. “I never expected anyone to read them, let alone get the response I’ve had. Bored, aging women are the most interested, and I don’t see why it should be any other way.”

Vocal critic of censorship, John Fenucci, was one of the few unhappy about the news.

“They’re trying to hide things from us, make it a fascist state,” he said through a thick haze of pungent smoke. “This is ‘Murica! Shit like this isn’t s’posed to happen. We’re being turned into Communist China and no one’s doing anything about it. The lizard people in charge are gonna win unless we act now!”

The literature world did not have any such qualms about the movie becoming severely restricted. “We all breathed a collective sigh of relief at this news,” said literature professor Joseph Butler. “Now that no one will see the movie, that the natural order can return, the hype with the books can die, and we can all forget the dark ages of unwarranted buzz around this pile of dog shit somehow called a novel.”

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