HOLLYWOOD, California –
Following a disappointing opening weekend at the box office, studio executives made a rarely-seen move to critique their audience. According to executives at the Universal and Focus studios, fans were simply “too stupid” to understand the film they were making.
“Women generally cannot understand the high-brow sophistication that is involved with dominance and power” said executive David Rosenthal. “We looked at all angles and aspects of how they movie could play out. We tend to know what’s best for women and so we were rather surprised that they showed any level of defiance when it comes to this project.”
While there were women who enjoyed the film, statistics showed they were usually middle-aged fugglies that no man wanted anyways. This would explain the eagerness for re-buy viewers who wanted to watch the film two or more times. However, executives stated they were uninterested in fatties as much as they were uninterested in feminazis that hate the film categorically.
“A woman with no spine is as bad as a woman with no brain,” stated Rosenthal.
“But I’m getting pretty tired of these Women’s Rights dummies at their rallies, natter on about how our movie is ‘disrespectful to women’ and how we’re ‘out of touch with women’. I mean, did you see the book sales? Obviously we know exactly what women want. The problem is that when faced with reality, they become defense. Quite frankly, because they are dumb.”
As one would expect, women’s right advocates are upset at the tone of executives like Rosenthal.
“The reason we do not care for the movie has nothing to do with women’s rights,” said Claire Dempsey of the Women First: Equal Rights for Women Movement. “We dislike the film because it was poorly done, rushed into production, and lacks the essence of the story.”
She continued, “If the movie was well written, well acted, or well directed, we would say so. It was not. The movie was a mess.”
50 Shades of Grey has since already been given a nod by the academy, and is said to be likely to receive at least three nominations for the 2016 Academy Awards for writing, acting, and directing.
Said Rosenthal of the comment and subsequent Academy nod, “See? Women are dumb.”