CHICAGO, Illinois – 
Marcus Knowles, 37, a resident of East Garfield Park on the East side of Chicago, reportedly took his own life yesterday, and according to the Chicago Police Department, Knowles left a note stating that he had been driven over the edge by the emotional commercials issued by the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. The commercials typically show sad, battered, and starving pets, accompanied by music of a very melancholy nature, such as the popular Sarah Mclachlan song In the Arms of an Angel.
In the letter, Knowles stated that he wishes that everyone would just have given all their money to the ASPCA, if it meant that they didn’t make any more of the commercials.
“The commercials are some of the most depressing things I’ve ever seen in my life,” said Knowles in his letter. “I had a wonderful life, travelled the world, and saw everything I wanted to see. I have no family, but I have made lots of friends and plenty of money in my life. Everything was going great, until I saw that commercial. The sad, crying eyes of the dogs. The matted fur of the little kittens. And the song. I have been crying for days, and there is only so much a man can take.”
Knowles, who lived in an apartment complex, was not allowed to have his pets in his building, and was apparently distraught that he couldn’t help the animals.
“There is nothing I can do to help these sad creatures. I cannot live if I cannot help these depressed animals. To everyone in my life who matters, I am sorry. I am leaving every penny I have to the ASPCA, and I advise you to do the same, lest you see this same fate as me.”
Police say that this is the 14th suicide they’ve seen in the last year because of the overly depressing ASPCA commercials. They have reached out to the organization to get them to find a new approach to their marketing.
“I’d be just as likely to donate if they showed happy children playing with well-fed puppies. And at least I wouldn’t weep for hours or have to dive for the remote to change the channel,” said officer Joe Goldsmith of the Chicago Police Department. “I love animals, and no one wants to see them in that state. The people of Chicago, and probably the entire country – they love their animals so much. Please, for everyone’s sake, donate today.”