Madonna Exposes Deviant Sex Acts No One Wants to Know Any More

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Madonna Exposes Deviant Sex Acts No One Wants to Know Any More

LOS ANGELES, California –

Madonna has once again exposed details of her deviant sexual acts, this time with no prompting or interest from the general public. The powerful superstar has released lude details of her private life over the course of her incredibly long career, usually to great excitement from Christian men in particular. This time, critics are saying she’s too old to be anything but repulsive to most sexually active persons.

“Madonna still retains her high level of significance,” said Bishop John Kemp. “But these sex books and tapes and interviews she keeps doing – well, they’re getting a bit much. The first time she did it was exciting. The first ever woman to be impregnated by God. Now it’s gotten old, along with her wrinkled skin and decomposing nose.”

The latest revelations were released in a detailed interview with Jehovah’s Witnesses’ Watchtower publication. They described her and God doing it in a number of never before seen ways – positions and actions that are impossible for most mortal beings.

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“Her loyalty to the deity is remarkable,” said theologian Mark Walters. “Over the past two millennia, she’s remained the Virgin Mary, keeping all her sexual activity on a higher plane. It’s an inspiration to us all in this time of free love and rampant divorce. However, in my experience Christian leaders do not take well to hearing about the sexual deviance of their God.”

And the response from priests and ministers around the world has proved his sentiments to not be unfounded.

“I’m quickly losing respect for Mother Mary,” said one cardinal of the Catholic Church. “She’s our martyr and, although her initial encounters with the Lord Above gave us inspiration and hope, now she’s just undermining his name. I don’t want to know that he likes to create a vagina for himself out of nothing and let her stick her hand inside. No one needs to know that information.”

The deity however stood up for his long term lover, stating that His virility should be something that mortals can aspire to, and that the Virgin Mary should be acknowledged for her sexual prowess.

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