New Federal Law Makes It Illegal To Wear Racist, ‘Insensitive’ Halloween Costumes

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WASHINGTON, D.C. –  New Federal Law Makes It Illegal To Wear Racist, 'Insensitive' Halloween Costumes

It has just been announced that a new law will be enforced this Halloween outlawing any Halloween costume that could be viewed as racist or ‘insensitive.’  The law is being passed down from the federal government and is estimated to effect over a million United States citizens come October 31st.

It is unclear what has prompted this last-minute regulation to be implemented, however experts speculate that the thousands of white guys that have vocalized their plan to use “black face” to imitate Ray Rice this Halloween probably have something to do with it.

One expert said, “Over the last 5 years, the media’s obsession with racy, obscene, or insensitive Halloween costumes has reached an all-time high, and I think the government felt it was finally time to jump in and regulate the situation, I personally think the law is brilliant and I welcome it with open arms. They are just in the nick of time before Halloween this year. I’m glad they didn’t hold out until next Halloween. This is definitely an issue that needed to be nipped in the bud.”

In this morning’s press conference from the White House, it was announced that the federal government will be working closely with local law enforcement everywhere to ensure 100% compliance of the new regulation. It has been reported that local police will be “dropping by” all costume parties to ensure that everyone’s having a blast while wearing appropriate attire.  It has been made very clear that no warnings will be issued; anybody out of code will be spending the night on the cold floor of their local jail and could be facing fines of upwards of $950.

Though a full list of approved costumes has not been released, the law clearly outlines, if you are Caucasian you are not to dress in any way that imitates or pokes fun at Blacks, Indians (of any kind), Mexicans, Gypsies, or Asians. It is unclear if rich white folks can dress as ‘Poor White Trash.’  The law also states that African-American citizens will be permitted to dress as President Obama, however caucasian citizens cannot. It was said, though, that anyone of any race or ethnicity will be permitted to dress in costumes that poke fun at previous presidents Bush and Clinton.

Those that oppose the new law say that it seems to be discriminatory and directed only to the Caucasian population, as there are not clearly outlined regulations on what any other ethnicities are required to avoid.

A government spokesperson responded to the allegation by chuckling and saying “Oh man, people will complain about anything!”

Those hoping that the new seemingly heavy-handed regulation will be discarded by next year are in for a disappointment, as it’s been said an even stricter law is being drafted and should be passed by Halloween 2015.

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