UNITED STATES –
Feminists will be pleased, but teachers unsurprised, by findings in a recent study which show that girls are simply “better at school” than boys. On the other side of the coin, boys are reportedly “better at copying girls’ work” than girls, somewhat evening out ultimate scores. The research was funded by the Education Matters foundation, in hopes that the age old debate could finally be settled and we can start worrying about real issues, such as bullying and falling standards.
“We always knew we were better than boys,” said girls, collectively. “Now that there’s empirical evidence, no one can knock us off our perch. Girls rule.”
Boys, however, had a different spin on the findings.
“This doesn’t show that girls are better than us,” said the entire boys population. “It just shows they’re bigger suckers. We know we can just copy, so why would we do the work? Letting them do it for us, and taking advantage of their insufferable conscientiousness, is by far the smarter thing to do.”
Hedley Turner, who headed up the massive study, says that the results may be more deceptive than they seem.
“What the data shows is simply that girls are better at school. This could be for a number of reasons. It could be because the teachers treat them better. It could be because their parents expect more of them. And it could be because they need to take something positive out of the malicious environment that is our school system.”
The data is reportedly set to be forgotten for the most part, but brought up in arguments between the sexes for decades to come.