IRVINE, California –
CEO of Taco Bell, Brian Niccol announced earlier today that the franchise will begin offering cold, alcoholic beverages to customers 21 years of age and older between the hours of 12:00 midnight – 2:00 AM in drive-thrus at participating locations.
The announcement marks an unprecedented marketing strategy in the world of fast food giants. “We at Taco Bell know that a good majority of Taco Bell craving customers between the hours of midnight and 2:00 AM are indeed bar-hopping twenty-and thirty-something year-old alcohol consuming citizens who want a quick bite during drinking sessions,” Niccol said. “Available May 1, 2015, Taco Bell will begin offering Budweiser and Bud Light beer, as well as frozen margaritas. We are very excited about this long over-due venture.”
Many college going co-eds and hipsters are very intrigued about the news. However, members of M.A.D.D. (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers) are outraged at the announcement, and are asking the American public to boycott the franchise. Mary Jane Weedman, one of M.A.D.D.’s most recognized spokeswomen in Denver, Colorado, says that alcohol should never be offered in any drive-thru location.
“This is simply not a very well thought out plan, we could understand offering customers good quality marijuana, but not ice cold beer and margaritas, this is totally unacceptable,” Weedman said.
Blake Mitchell, a freshman at Colorado State University disagrees. “Dude, I think it is totally legit!” the aspiring hip-hop artist stated. “I mean like, sometimes when you are trying to maintain that buzz and have to go grab a bite to eat, it is totally inconvenient, you know what I’m saying? This way we can grab a cold brew and a few chalupas and be on our way. I paid good money for a fake I.D., so I’m like stoked!” Mitchell said. “Plus, I heard Taco Bell is also going to have some, like, gooey Cap ‘N’ Crunch dessert balls thing, so they are definitely going to be getting a lot more of my money from now on.”