Many Retail Stores Begin Christmas TV Advertising Campaigns On May 1st

UNITED STATES –

Starting May 1st, many retailers will begin running their Christmas and holiday themed ads on television and via the internet, in hopes of getting a jump on competitors who offer similar products for similar pricing.

“We normally would not jump into the holiday spirit so soon,” said Best Buy advertising manager Cliff Blue. “But we saw that Future Shop and HH Gregg were both going to be launching their Christmas ads, so we decided to do so as well. We have to stay competitive.”

Other retailers who begin holiday advertising this May include K-Mart, Home Depot, and Target.

“Basically at this point, everyone is just trying to keep up with Wal-Mart, and whatever they’re doing,” said a board member of Target who wished to remain anonymous. “We heard that they were going to be launching Christmas ads in June, so we wanted to break away. We already have plans of starting our Christmas ads for next year on December 26th of this year, so that way no one can ever say they were before us.”

Customers of all the stores say they couldn’t care less what the ads on TV are showing, because most of them don’t see TV commercials anyway.

“Well, we had cable up until a month ago, but we finally cut the cord, so I never see commercials anymore,” said Anne Taxe, of Washington. “Come to think of it, even when we had cable we DVR’d everything and skipped commercials. Yeah, so, I guess it doesn’t matter what they’re trying to shove in my face – I’m not seeing it anyway.”

“Christmas is a time for giving, and for caring, and what better way to show someone you care than to let them know you were thinking of them in the middle of the spring, and had their gift ready 8 months in advance?” asked Blue. “This year, give them something they’ll always remember, like a 65″ Panasonic TV. On sale for the holiday at only $1,300 with a 4-year protection plan!”

DULUTH, Minnesota –

Across the entire country, political and campaign signs begin being stuck into grounds in late September and early October, gearing up for a very-public election season. Homeowners who want to show support for their party candidate or candidates often put signs in front of their own homes. Business owners often stupidly do the same, cutting off half of their clientele by openly displaying a preference to one candidate or another. The rest of the signs, though, are placed – and usually overly saturated – on public roadsides, town squares, and anywhere else there may be a tuft of grass to prop a sign.

Although nearly every town in the country has laws against placing these ‘election litter’ signs on public property, few get removed, as towns don’t have the time or money to send someone to toss them. Because of this, one Duluth, Minnesota man has taken the problem into his own hands, and has gone out every night for the last two weeks, removing hundreds and hundreds of political ads and signs that have been strewn across his hometown.

“To be quite honest, the signs are just ugly, and it’s some straight-up bulls— that they are strewn all around, cluttering up the scenery,” said Carl Meadows, who Duluth residents are calling their ‘political vigilante.’ “No one likes these signs. They are just stupid. I also can’t figure out what the point of them really is. If you’re a Republican, you’re probably going to vote Republican. Ditto that for Democrats. Everyone else votes for their candidate of choice. There is no one – and I mean no one – throughout the history of time, who has voted based on who had more signs littering the town.”

Meadows, 53, has lived in Duluth his entire life, and he says he never remembers the littering done by the campaign teams to be as bad as it’s gotten the last few years.

“Two years ago, I spent the day mowing and cleaning up my yard. I went to bed, pretty proud of how my yard looked after a hard day out there. The next morning, I woke up, and there were 14 campaign signs in my yard. I nearly burst a vein I was so damn angry.”

Meadows is not alone in his hatred for the signs. Many residents in most towns say that they are ‘disturbed’ by how much trash these elections really create.

“It’s really just too in-your-face, you know?” said Eileen James, a Duluth resident. “We are bombarded by stupid ads on TV, then we leave our homes, and every other house and business has a sign. I don’t fault an individual for wanting to support a candidate, and what you do to your own property is your business. But I tell you, these politicians use their constituents as a dick-swinging contest. ‘Oh, whoever puts out the most signs has the bigger political penis.’ It’s asinine.”

According to research by the Political Research and Knowledge Foundation in Boston, no person has ever seen a political ad or campaign sign and changed their mind about who they were voting for. Their research shows that anyone who is that stupid probably shouldn’t have been considering the idea of voting in the first place.