LOS ANGELES, California –
Several communities across America are outraged at news released this morning of Redbox, everyone’s favorite video store replacement, partnering with porn-titans Vivid Entertainment to bring adult films to grocery store and gas station kiosks everywhere.
Redbox and Vivid made the announcement this morning that hardcore, adult entertainment will become ‘more easily accessible to consumers than ever,’ as they begin to roll out rentals of pornographic titles at all Redbox kiosks by the end of 2014. Naturally, a large concern from parents is that Rebox will not have an acceptable verification process in place.
When asked how they will ensure underage customers aren’t renting hardcore porn DVDs, Redbox responded by saying “Just like with R-rated movies we have in the kiosks now, the customer will be asked if they are over 18 and will be required to say yes.”
When is was questioned as to what would stop a child from selecting the ‘yes’ button indicating they are of legal age to obtain pornographic material, Redbox responded by saying “We’re basically operating on the honor system. We trust our customers to be honest with their responses. Besides, kids don’t have credit cards anyway.”
“We think it’s time someone put the porn rental business back on the map,” said representatives for Vivid. The company promises that each kiosk will contain at least 30 hardcore titles to choose from.
A Vivid spokesperson also guaranteed several spicy sub-genres to choose from. “We understand today’s consumer doesn’t want to watch boring, middle-aged white people have missionary sex, so we are committed to stocking each kiosk with multiple options to float your boat. You can expect interracial, BBW, fetish, Asian, and celebrity categories at each location.”
Redbox has confirmed that the new adult DVDs won’t cost the consumer any more than a standard DVD rental. According to the press release, they will also be offering a discounted Adult DVD with every standard DVD rental the week of the kick off.
Both companies have avoided directly addressing the likely hood of underage customers being able to access the pornographic material. They have each taken the stand that it’s up to the parents to manage their children’s sexual urges, and if they want to blame someone for underage children looking at boobies, they should blame the internet.
“Parents need to realize that corporations shouldn’t have to be responsible for their kids, and what they’re watching, doing, eating, or seeking out as entertainment,” said Redbox. “The old phrase ‘It takes a village to raise a child’ does not say anything about corporations and mega-companies. That said, we respect all of our customers, regardless of their horrible parenting skills.”
Unsurprisingly, one of the largest objectors to the partnership are the internet ‘tube sites’ that provide unlimited porn to millions of consumers each day. Sources have speculated that the new arrangement between Redbox and Vivid could potentially cost the top tube sites millions of dollars per year in ad revenue, assuming that people forget that anything you want can be had for free on the internet.