Babysitter Takes Acid, Eats 3-Month-Old Baby After Cooking Her In The Oven

DE SOTO, Missouri –

Two Missouri parents were horrified to discover their babysitter had taken acid while watching their child, after they found the remains of their three-month-old child cooked in the oven.

Police Officer Dwayne Jacobs was the first on the scene, and found a “very confused” and “incoherent” babysitter lying half-conscious in the family’s living room.

Anna Doreen, the 17-year-old babysitter, claims she had bought some acid and “only took a few tabs” before she became “overly confused” and “extremely hungry.”

“I just took a few tabs because I was bored and the baby was sleeping,” she later told Officer Jacobs. “I remember that I started getting really hungry, ate some chicken wings, and passed out.”

The 3-month-old child was found in the oven, covered in barbecue sauce, and was pronounced dead at the scene.

“It appears she tried to cook him in the oven, but did not time it long enough to completely cook him. She was probably disoriented and lost consciousness moments later,” explained Sheriff deputy James Anderson of the Jefferson County Police Department. “Teeth marks were found on the baby’s arms and legs. Ms. Doreen has been taken into custody and is facing second-degree murder charges, as well as drug-related charges.”

JAPAN –

Samsung International has announced a new television set that they plan to release sometime in the first quarter of 2017, and they say it is “revolutionary” in its abilities.

“For years, parents have used the television as a babysitter for their children,” said Samsung developer of Product Toshiro Hokinama. “Whether they were too lazy, too tired, or too interested in where to get their next fix, parents have been plopping their annoying children in front of the screen since the 50s. Now, we’ve taken the idea of a TV as a babysitter and shot it into the 21st century.”

Hokinama went on to explain that the TV would be fixed with cameras in the front and sides, and would allow parents to monitor their children from mobile devices anywhere they could get WiFi of 4G connections. Going a step further, though, was the televisions ability to interact with the children themselves.

“The TV will talk to your child. It will ask him or her what they want to watch. It will show them colors and shapes and beautiful images whenever an actual program is not airing,” said Hokinama. “It will also be able to sternly discipline your children when they are not listening or if they start to wander off. We are considering developing robotic arms for higher-end models that would actually be able to deliver a swift slap to the bum of your child, if it’s needed.”