CARSON, Georgia –
Target has announced that they plan to add a gender-fluid bathroom to every store in the United States, after a boycott cost the company over $14 million in sales in only a week’s time. The company says that making it public that they allowed transgender people to use whatever bathroom they were most comfortable with while shopping in Target stores caused an outrage, and a new change had to be made.
“Despite the fact that there has never, ever been a law about who can use what bathroom when out in public, we thought were were doing the right thing when we announced that we wanted every shopper to use the bathroom the identified with. Boy, were we wrong,” said Target spokesman George Michaels. “You see, a man can go into a ladies room if he wants, or vice-versa. There is literally no law anywhere in the country that says that they can’t. It’s societal norms that dictate this stuff, not laws. We just wanted to make a point, and we lost millions because of it.”
As such, the company says they will now be adding “gender fluid” or “gender neutral” bathrooms to all stores, so that a person – no matter how they identify – can use the bathroom in piece. All the bathrooms will be single-use only, allowing only one person in at a time.
ATLANTA, Georgia –
Following a very divisive ruling in North Carolina that makes it so that a person’s birth gender is the one they must identify with when using public restrooms, Georgia has created their own new laws, which make it so that people who are transgender are not allowed to use public restrooms at all.
“Trannies are nasty, and we don’t want them to use either bathroom when they are in public,” said Georgia state senator Luke Davidson. “If you are a tranny, you must use your own bathroom, or a bathroom in another private establishment. In public, you are not allowed to use a bathroom, because we don’t trust you not to molest our kids or rape someone.”
Davidson says that the North Carolina ruling made it “very easy” for Georgia to create their own laws, and that it is a major step in the right direction, but transgender people in the state say that the law is too discriminatory.
“I have no desire to molest your children, and I am definitely not a rapist,” said transgender man Ricky Law. “I just have to take a shit sometimes, like anyone else, and I need a bathroom to do it. This law is outrageous, and there are a lot of us that will fight it all the way to the damn White House if we have to.”
“I don’t care what some nasty dickless man says, it’s not right for someone to use a bathroom if they can’t even decide what sex they are,” said Davidson. “Obviously everyone within the state agrees, or we never would have gotten these laws to pass. Sorry trannies, just stop being weird, and you can start going again like the rest of us.”