LOS ANGELES, California –
In a trend sweeping America, teenagers are reportedly starting and joining ‘50 Shades of Grey’ clubs, en masse. The movement began in response to the box office success of the first movie of the franchise. However, it is being suggested that most of these youths have not read the books or seen the film.
“I haven’t seen the movie,” said Tuck Harrington, 16. “What I heard about it is pretty cool, and I want to do that with my friends. That’s why I started my high school’s ’50 Shades’ club. We all want a little teen bondage. It helps stop bullying.”
We asked Tuck to take us through some of the activities he and his group perform together.
“Well, we started off making friendship bracelets. That’s obviously the easiest way for teens to bondage. We’ve progressed to song nights every Friday, and group trips to mansions to see how successful men like Christian Grey have bondaged to their great advantage.”
Catching up with other clubs, we found them to be doing much of the same. Some of their favorite bondage activities included friendly races, short vacations to the coast, as well as study sessions before exams.
“This is a system which is doing wonders for our kids,” said Colorado teacher Peter Josselewsky. “They’re working together to create stronger bondage between teens who would usually be fighting – whether in the conventional sense, or with more recent cyber bullying. With these new clubs, we’ve seen a drastic decrease in hostility, and guys who’d usually be outsiders are now part of the in-crowd.”
Tuck Harrington agreed with his sentiments.
“It’s true. There are some kids who would’ve been called ‘nerds’ or ‘losers’ who are much loved by the group. They’ve found a way to form bondages with others, and that’s something I’ve never seen in all my years of high school.”
When asked what his favorite part of the 50 Shades club was, he told us, “Oh, well – on Sunday nights, we all get naked, and half of us tie the other half to chairs or beds, and then we fuck them hard, with all sorts of sex toys and moves we learned online. Then we switch, and let them do the same things to us. I particularly like having a big, rubber fist shoved up my ass while I’m gagged with a pair of panties or a tight gag. It’s definitely the best part of the ’50 Shades’ club.”