ATLANTA, Georgia –
The M&M-Mars Candy company, who are best known for their little chocolates that “melt in your mouth, not in your hand,” say that they are planning a new line of candies that will be released in 2016, called W&Ws.
“We have been making M&M candies for the better part of 100 years, and we’ve done little to change the product, except to add new things inside,” said company spokesman Joe Goldsmith. “Now, we’ve decided that we are going to shake things up, and add an entirely new product to our line. The W&W candies will be very similar to M&Ms, to the point that most people won’t tell or taste a difference. The only thing is, they will be branded with little Ws on each candy.”
Goldsmith says that the new W&W line is something the company has been working on for quite some time, but were waiting for the proper time to reveal.
“We think now, in this day and age, is the time to really push forth, and break new ground,” said Goldsmith. “We’ve always been forward thinkers and M&M, and now we’re going to prove it.”
LOS ANGELES, California –
Over the last 7 years, Jenny McCarthy has been able to convince millions of parents to stop vaccinating their children, almost single handedly creating the movement known to the media as anti-vaxxing. Now, McCarthy is working to convince parents that the only way for children to safely consume candy is while it’s still in the wrapper.
A public service announcement released by McCarthy early Monday morning detailed the supposed health benefits of ‘Goating’, or eating still-wrapped candy, and the increased risk of autism in children who eat chocolate and other candies that have been removed from its original wrapper.
McCarthy tells her 700,000 plus Facebook followers that years of research has gone into the theory, and that ‘Goating’ will provide your body with an extra layer of protection from the harmful GMO’s and chemicals found in candy. She said the idea came to her when the family dog got into a bag of fun-sized Milky Way candy bars.
“I knew I was on to something, because chocolate kills dogs normally, but Muffy was fine, just some diarrhea. If eating fully wrapped candy bars can prevent my dog from overdosing on chocolate, it can certainly prevent any child from contracting autism.”
Several respected authorities in the medical community have spoken out against Goating, and are warning the public that the practice of eating fully-wrapped candy carries a far greater health risk than just eating the candy bars normally. Experts are saying that in addition to the obvious choking concerns, the human digestive system is not designed to break down plastic wrappers.
McCarthy has said that she is releasing a book about her studies on ‘Goating’, to be released on October 21st. The book will be titled Goating: Now that’s a Wrap, and will be released just in time for Halloween, when candy eating is at a yearly high for children and adults alike.