Hydrox To Sue Oreo Over Copyright Infringement, Claims Company Copied Their Cookies

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BOSTON, Massachusetts –

Hydrox, the cookie company that’s flagship product is the black, chocolate cookie with the white creme center, was invented in 1908, and was originally made by the Sunshine Cookie Company. Almost 5 years later, in 1912, Oreo was invented, and despite ripping off Hydrox completely, the company went on to be the bigger seller, convincing the world that Hydrox was the “generic” or rip-off company.

Papers filed today in the Massachusetts courts prove that Hydrox is finally stepping up to the cookie plate, as it were, as they plan to sure the Oreo Cookie company for copyright infringement and design theft.

“Hydrox has been making our cookies since the dawn of the 20th century,” said Hydrox spokesman Roy Charles. “Oreo has as well, but we were still first. It’s taken us a long time to get to this point, but we just needed time to build our case. Now is the time.”

Charles says that Hydrox is prepared to sue Oreo for $4.5 million, which is equivalent to only one year’s grosses of Oreo’s cookie empire.

“They have had over 100 years worth of sales, and every one of those hundred years, we took a beating,” said Charles. “We feel it’s time that Oreo put on their big-boy pants, pour a tall glass of milk, and admit they stole our cookie. The world needs to know that we were first and, frankly, we’re the better cookie.”

Representatives for Oreo could not be reached for comment.

Harvard Study Finds Whites Experience Far More Racism Than Blacks

CAMBRIDGE, Massachusetts – Harvard Study Finds Whites Experience Far More Racism Than Blacks

A controversial Harvard University study reveals what many oppressed, non-minorities have said for years – white people experience far more racism than black people.

Dr. Bob Ofay, author of the study, offers a rather straightforward defense of his findings: “Approximately 234,000,000 white people live in the United States, compared to about 39,000,000 black people. It’s simple mathematics. More white people, far more prejudice. The numbers don’t lie.”

Dr. Cornel West, African-American Harvard and Princeton educated philosopher and author, weighed in on the study. “Technically, Ofay’s correct. There are far more whites living in America, so proportionately, he’s right. But there‘s a different kind of racism that whites face.”

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West went on to explain that every member of a non-white race has an equal opportunity to practice racism against whites; therefore, going by the data, whites are indeed oppressed far more than blacks. “I feel for my white brothers and sisters!” said West. “I’ve been there, done that, and it’s no day at the beach let me tell you. Especially if that beach is segregated,” he added.

Rev. Al Sharpton, activist and TV opinion show host said, “All these years I’ve been organizing protest marches fighting inequality between historically white-on-black oppression, since slavery anyway. But now that I look at the bigger picture – the history before slavery – I see that whites have suffered far more oppression than blacks, and many other races combined for that matter. When you do the math, I see now that it’s the whites who have gotten the short end of the racial stick.”

When asked if his editorial viewpoint would change because of the Ofay study, Sharpton replied, “Hell no! I’ve got a gold mine going on here! Don’t get me wrong – I’m sympathetic to the plight of white people – but I’m not a damn fool! That question was outrageous!”

Whether the results of Ofay’s survey will change perceptions across the nation is up for debate. Just a peek at today’s headlines, from Ferguson Missouri to Staten Island, New York, seem to tell a different story.

Ofay remains confident. “The facts I have presented will bear me out. These days, to be born white is to have one strike against you. I knew the tide was turning when years ago, salsa became the number one condiment over ketchup. The proof’s in the pudding,” said Ofay.

In a related study by the Food Institute of America, chocolate pudding outranks vanilla by a nearly 2 to 1 margin, but they say butterscotch is gaining traction.

Jenny McCarthy Preaches New ‘Goating’ Fad, Says To Eat Candy While Still In The Wrapper

LOS ANGELES, California – Jenny McCarthy Preaches New Fad ‘Goating’, Advises To Eat Candy While In The Wrapper

Over the last 7 years, Jenny McCarthy has been able to convince millions of parents to stop vaccinating their children, almost single handedly creating the movement known to the media as anti-vaxxing. Now, McCarthy is working to convince parents that the only way for children to safely consume candy is while it’s still in the wrapper.

A public service announcement released by McCarthy early Monday morning detailed the supposed health benefits of ‘Goating’, or eating still-wrapped candy, and the increased risk of autism in children who eat chocolate and other candies that have been removed from its original wrapper.

McCarthy tells her 700,000 plus Facebook followers that years of research has gone into the theory, and that ‘Goating’ will provide your body with an extra layer of protection from the harmful GMO’s and chemicals found in candy. She said the idea came to her when the family dog got into a bag of fun-sized Milky Way candy bars.

“I knew I was on to something, because chocolate kills dogs normally, but Muffy was fine, just some diarrhea. If eating fully wrapped candy bars can prevent my dog from overdosing on chocolate, it can certainly prevent any child from contracting autism.”

Several respected authorities in the medical community have spoken out against Goating, and are warning the public that the practice of eating fully-wrapped candy carries a far greater health risk than just eating the candy bars normally. Experts are saying that in addition to the obvious choking concerns, the human digestive system is not designed to break down plastic wrappers.

McCarthy has said that she is releasing a book about her studies on ‘Goating’, to be released on October 21st. The book will be titled Goating: Now that’s a Wrap, and will be released just in time for Halloween, when candy eating is at a yearly high for children and adults alike.

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