Trump Claims Victory After Castro’s Death: ‘I Did It!’


As Reported By Satira Tribune:

“Nobody could kill that guy but I did,” said Trump. “It was the easiest thing ever.”

With over 600 assassinations attempts on the Communist Cuban leader life over the past 60 years, Trump was eager to show leadership and that he meant business through power.

“JFK, internal enemies, all of them failed, but not me,” said Trump. “I’m already accomplishing more than the past ten presidents combined. I think the voter chose the right person for the right job,” he said. “Really, how hard is it to kill…


Former Cuban President Fidel Castro Dies In Skydiving Accident

fidel castro


Former prime minister and Cuban president Fidel Castro has been killed, according to reports coming out of Cuba today.

“Mr. Castro was an avid skydiver, and liked to go many times throughout the year,” said a spokesman from within the Cuban government. “He reportedly was not able to deploy his parachute while jumping recreationally in Trinidad.”

Current Cuban president and socialist leader, Raul Castro, said that there will be a memorial service for Fidel Castro on Monday afternoon.

“As the impact to poor old Fidel’s body was too great, there is little to parade through our city squares,” said Raul Castro. “But, we will still be able to remember what a good person he was. Well, you know what I mean. He was okay, right? Anyway, a man has died. It is the only point that you cannot speak poorly of him.”

Fidel Castro, the former communist leader, was 88.

President Obama Names Rapper Snoop Dogg As Ambassador To Cuba

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Obama Names Rapper Snoop Dogg As Ambassador To Cuba

The White House announced today the President’s pick for Ambassador to Cuba. The President has chosen rapper Snoop Dogg, a decision that curiously did not seem to ruffle too many feathers.

“My choices for Ambassadors have been the target of right-wing attacks in the past,” said President Obama. “It’s true some of my picks on the surface seem bizarre. Soap opera stars and campaign contributors who know nothing of the country or even the language of the countries they are appointed to. What people don’t realize is that it’s more important to represent America well than to actually care about the country you’re in.”

Obama went on to explain that he spends many hours laying awake at night, deciding who should be appointed to which country.

“My choice in appointing Mr. Dogg as Ambassador to Cuba is a good one, as even far right racists will have a hard time complaining. Mr. Dogg knows the language, he has family from Cuba on his Mother’s side, and since ‘his mind is on his money and his money is on his mind’, he has never contributed to any of my campaigns.”

“I’m going to be a great Ambassador,” said Snoop Dogg through a haze of smoke. ”I love Cubans, especially the ladies and the cigars. Those things can be rolled into the best blunts on the planet. I can see it now, me and Castro, smoking blunts at the beach, talking about freedom and democracy. It’s going to be chill. I’m all about chillaxing, love, and the American way. Cuba will be the most laid back place in the world once the Dogg gets there.”

Design & Developed By Open Source Technologies.