WASHINGTON, D.C. –
In an unexpected move, Chelsea Clinton has announced her plans to run in the presidential primaries in 2016. This will be the first time a mother and daughter have competed against each other for the official hot seat.
Although she has no political experience, the 34-year-old says that her father’s time as president has put her in good stead.
“Old Bill provided a good role model for me,” she stated in a letter to the press. “He did some really good stuff while in office, but that Monica Lewinsky business – that’s what stuck with most people. I know it’s not popular to say, but it kinda saved his reputation. Were it not for that public stain, the metaphoric one, not the literal one, he’d barely be remembered as the butter between the Bush sandwich. So I know what I have to do if things start going downhill.”
She also said that her mother’s position as secretary of state, as well as her own failed and current presidential bids, have only helped her cause.
“My mom’s the favorite among the Democrats, even though no one likes her. Let’s face it – I’m the only likeable Clinton left.”
Political analysts are divided on what this fresh candidate will mean for 2016. A handful believe she has a chance, because the public are desperate enough to try anything that hasn’t been tried before.
“She’ll probably be shit, but we just cannot know,” said CNN correspondent Merson Mandzukic. “For all we know it will be the best thing to happen to this country. Imagine, for example, that Sarah Palin had been our vice-president, or even president. Most of us shudder at the thought, but could a bumbling idiot with no bad intentions really be worse than some of the dross we’ve had down the line?”
Others have been less kind. Fox reporter, Olga Brown, believes this is the worst thing that could have happened to politics.
“It breaks all the rules of politics,” she was heard complaining to a coworker. “A political career based entirely on the reputation of the family? George Bush, Sr. would be turning in his grave if he was dead.”