BOSTON, Massachusetts –
Researchers at the prestigious Harvard Community College have been working tirelessly over the last decade in a search for a link between Autism and any other outside source. Today, they’ve released information that they say conclusively links Autism with chemtrails.
“To think that Autism is caused by vaccines is ridiculous and preposterous,” said Dr. Emmett Brown, who headed the study. “Vaccines are necessary and important. What is not necessary is chemtrails. Those whispy bits of clouds you see left in the sky after a plane goes by, or those billowing clouds during a new morning sky – those are the things that could very well be giving your child Autism.”
Dr. Brown says that children who are exposed to the hazards of being outside too young can easily “contract” Autism.
“If the hospital is wanting you to take your new baby home, and you look out and see chemtrails, do not take that baby outside. Wait it out, it’s very important,” said Dr. Brown. “A baby exposed to chemtrails is over 0.099873% more likely to end up having Autism than a baby who lives inside, all the time, in a plastic bubble or incubator.”
Dr. Brown says his “startling” finds and study conclusions will be published in his “home medical journal” this month.
WASHINGTON, D.C. –
The first in a series of tests for a previously classified government project took place over the past month. Codenamed “Project Overcast,” this latest innovation in science attempts to give some control over Mother Nature’s unpredictable weather.
For this long-term test, scientists deployed several large vehicles to the deserts of Nevada which filled the air with heavy pollution clouds and chemtrails. The goal was to create artificial cloud cover that would drop the temperature over a long period of time. The results were, in lead scientist Harrison’s words, “Pretty sweet.” Temperatures dropped as much as 20 degrees in the first week, with the added side effect of blotting out the sun.
“Obviously we were testing this for human use, but it was a great sight to see the creatures of the desert get a break from the sun and heat for a while. They all cuddled together and a few went to sleep for a really long time. It was cute,” Harrison said.
According to the follow-up report, the test was almost too successful – the clouds lingered much longer than expected. So long, in fact, that “any longer and it would have started snowing,” Harrison said.
The team is still investigating reports of the pollution clouds causing health problems to fauna in the area, as well as drifting to nearby cities and reducing their overall air quality by substantial amounts.
“Who cares about silly things like air quality? This is exciting!” Harrison said when asked about the blown-over clouds.
Government projections show this technology ready to use on a wide scale by 2017, bringing climate control to the rest of the United States.