SAN FERNANDO VALLEY, California –
Whether you are against ISIS, like most people, or somehow slinking by as a terrorist supporter, Facebook has announced that they will be systematically deactivating accounts that frequently talk about ISIS, Muslims, terrorism, or anything else that they deem “inappropriate.”
“Frankly, it’s their website, and they can do whatever they want,” said user Joe Goldsmith. “I think people forget that Facebook may be made up of its users, but it is not owned and controlled by the users. Facebook has the right to delete or post whatever they want, and if they don’t like your stupid post, then they can delete it.”
According to Facebook spokesman Al Greene, the company is removing the accounts of people who post too often about ISIS, Muslim extremists, and other terrorist groups, because it “upsets other users.”
“If we’re friends on Facebook, and you are constantly posting pictures of your dog, and I have a fear of them, well frankly, those pictures will upset me,” said Greene. “We are trying to be the middle man so no one has to see the dog, no one has to have any fear. If your uncle Charlie is constantly posting pictures and articles talking about ISIS, then we’re going to step in and shut down his account. It’s only fair.”
Greene says that everyone will get one warning, but repeatedly posting controversial topics will lead to account suspension or deletion.
WASHINGTON, D.C. –
The first in a series of tests for a previously classified government project took place over the past month. Codenamed “Project Overcast,” this latest innovation in science attempts to give some control over Mother Nature’s unpredictable weather.
For this long-term test, scientists deployed several large vehicles to the deserts of Nevada which filled the air with heavy pollution clouds and chemtrails. The goal was to create artificial cloud cover that would drop the temperature over a long period of time. The results were, in lead scientist Harrison’s words, “Pretty sweet.” Temperatures dropped as much as 20 degrees in the first week, with the added side effect of blotting out the sun.
“Obviously we were testing this for human use, but it was a great sight to see the creatures of the desert get a break from the sun and heat for a while. They all cuddled together and a few went to sleep for a really long time. It was cute,” Harrison said.
According to the follow-up report, the test was almost too successful – the clouds lingered much longer than expected. So long, in fact, that “any longer and it would have started snowing,” Harrison said.
The team is still investigating reports of the pollution clouds causing health problems to fauna in the area, as well as drifting to nearby cities and reducing their overall air quality by substantial amounts.
“Who cares about silly things like air quality? This is exciting!” Harrison said when asked about the blown-over clouds.
Government projections show this technology ready to use on a wide scale by 2017, bringing climate control to the rest of the United States.