WASHINGTON, D.C. –
Young black Americans are apparently taking a stand and wiping their asses with the American flag, all in support of Colin Kaepernick and his sit-in during the National Anthem, and to make notice of their rights to free speech.
“I love America, there’s nothing wrong here at all as far as my life is concerned,” said Shelby McIntire, an ass-wiping, flag hater. “Problem is, fuck the flag, and fuck the national anthem. I don’t care about symbols, I care about action, and there’s none happening for young niggas like me. So, here’s your flag, here’s my shit, and now the two can meet.”
The act of flag desecration is protected free speech, but McIntire has had to go into hiding thanks to internet trolls that revealed her address on popular website Reddit.
“I’m not scared for me, but I don’t want them to hurt my family over this,” said McIntire. “It will all blow over, though. And I can go back to wiping my ass with toilet paper.”
SAN FERNANDO VALLEY, California –
Whether you are against ISIS, like most people, or somehow slinking by as a terrorist supporter, Facebook has announced that they will be systematically deactivating accounts that frequently talk about ISIS, Muslims, terrorism, or anything else that they deem “inappropriate.”
“Frankly, it’s their website, and they can do whatever they want,” said user Joe Goldsmith. “I think people forget that Facebook may be made up of its users, but it is not owned and controlled by the users. Facebook has the right to delete or post whatever they want, and if they don’t like your stupid post, then they can delete it.”
According to Facebook spokesman Al Greene, the company is removing the accounts of people who post too often about ISIS, Muslim extremists, and other terrorist groups, because it “upsets other users.”
“If we’re friends on Facebook, and you are constantly posting pictures of your dog, and I have a fear of them, well frankly, those pictures will upset me,” said Greene. “We are trying to be the middle man so no one has to see the dog, no one has to have any fear. If your uncle Charlie is constantly posting pictures and articles talking about ISIS, then we’re going to step in and shut down his account. It’s only fair.”
Greene says that everyone will get one warning, but repeatedly posting controversial topics will lead to account suspension or deletion.