Las Vegas Casino Owners, Gaming Commission Seek To Legalize Dog Fighting

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LAS VEGAS, Nevada – Las Vegas Casino Owners Seek To Legalize Dog Fighting

The steady decline in revenue affecting many casinos across the country has forced many gaming houses to seek other sources of income.  As a result, the gambling industry has been quietly seeking a controversial betting offshoot – legalized and industry regulated dog fighting.

“Think of the images of Michael Vick and everything else that comes to mind when you mention dog fighting,” said Roger Kenny, administrator with the Nevada Gaming Commission. In a press release he stated, “If we regulate dog fighting, promote it as a sport, eventually people will come to accept it, and it will be as common as blackjack or prostitution.  We’d like to change the negative perception that certain groups have put out there about the activity,” he said.

It’s going to be an uphill battle.  After the Commission’s press release was made public, animal rights groups, including PETA, the ASPCA, and the World Wildlife Foundation all reacted with condemnation of the proposal.

Dog trainer and television host Cesar Millan said, “This is the most inhumane act that I can think of.  Dogs are our companions and are among the most intelligent creatures on Earth.  Something like this with cats, now that I could understand,” continued Millan.  “Put a couple of cats in a boxing ring, maybe with little gloves and helmets – nobody’s going to give a crap, it’s just cats. But with dogs, it’s different – they’re man’s best friend. When I heard this news I wanted to rabidly tear the Commission’s collective throat out.”

Chairman and CEO of Las Vegas Sands Corporation Sheldon Adelson remarked, “From what I’ve been told, I think in foreign countries this kind of thing is already legal. I’m not sure, but if it is, we should try to get in on it here. It would be a sin to let all that revenue just go to the dogs,” he said.

The proliferation of online gambling sites is largely blamed for forcing the gambling industry to think outside the box.  Although internet gambling is technically illegal, members of the powerful gaming commission are hiring lobbyists to work overtime in an effort to change that legislation as well.

“Right now it’s a crap shoot,” said Kenny. “But it’s going to be a thing, I’d bet good money on it. After all,” he added with a wink, “every dog has his day.”

PETA Goes Directly To Source, Pays Poachers For Videos Of Animal Abuse

NORFOLK, Virginia – Empire-News-PETA-Goes-Directly-To-Source-Pays-Poachers-For-Videos-Of-Animal-Abuse

PETA, also known as “People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals,” has landed itself in some hot water today over allegations that the group has had their hand in poaching, dog fighting, and animal smuggling.

Ingrid Newkirk, founder of PETA, has allegedly started reaching out to illegal animal groups around the world, asking them for photographic and video of their crimes – not to use as evidence against them, but for use in her group’s campaign to help save all animals.

“People really need the shock value of the dismembered elephants, dogs from a dog fighting ring, or kittens in a bag to really understand that this stuff is happening.  They can’t just read it, they have to watch a three hour video showing how they get wool for UGG boots.”  Newkirk stated vehemently.  “Recently I come across better ways of acquiring these pictures.  Straight from the source if you will, nothing illegal, but definitely something a lot of people should know about.”

“Personally, I find the way we’re getting our new material to be much easier.” Says co-founder Alex Pacheco. “She [Newkirk] definitely has a flair for the dramatic, and you can’t argue with the results.”

Pacheco says that in the past, they would get people who were part of the PETA cause to work jobs in meat packing plants or other major industries that deal with animals, mostly in the food industry, and have them secretly videotape the  horrible treatment animals were enduring. As incoming funds and donations have slowed over the last few years, they don’t have the money to hire “field workers” as often, especially with the incredibly large salaries the PETA board members take every year.

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“Ingrid makes at least triple what I do, and I make around $2 million dollars a year.” Said Pacheco.  “With the incredible amount of money that people donate to PETA dwindling year after year, it was time we made a change on how we got our information, and our sources. We want to keep the word strong, and we’ll do whatever we have to do to keep that happening.”

When asked if they thought that there were less donations coming in because of the recent recession, and people more worried about where their next meal might come from than whether African Rhinos were being poached for their horns, Pacheco had a different angle

“I think that people just are starting to care less about animals these days. We’ve been around a very long time. Don’t you think the people who donate would catch on to the fact that we haven’t done that much good?  I mean, Seaworld is still around, people still torture animals and post the videos to YouTube.  We really haven’t done all that much when you look at the big picture, but still the money comes. Slowly, maybe, but it’s coming. Hell,  I only stay because of that massive paycheck I was telling you about. Damn, that’s a great deal!”

PETA members say that they aren’t worried about what the higher-ups are doing to get their information, and that the only thing that matters is getting people to notice, and pay attention to their cause.

“I remember this one time, we took this fat, sweaty, gross-looking woman, had her on her hands and knees, completely nude, and chained her up in a tiny pig cage.” Said Miranda Charles, a PETA advocate and frequent protest leader for the group. “It was to show the plight of the poor pigs when they are on their way to get slaughtered, and the horrible tortures they must endure.  I can’t believe this woman was down for it. It’s really amazing what you can convince people to do if you just say it’s part of a great thing.”

“I just feel like the more information we put out there, the more people will pay us to give them that information.  The idea is to educate, but we can’t do that for free.”  Newkirk said.  “It’s for the better of animal-kind to stop these horrid acts, and I’ll eat the flesh directly off a dog’s ass if it means he won’t be put into a fighting ring.”

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