LAS VEGAS, Nevada –
Molly Suxcawk has been performing her namesake as a professional prostitute since 1943 in beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada, but she says what was once a calling has become more of a chore.
“I choked down my first belly full of sperm at the ripe ol’ age of 14, and I never looked back,” said Suxcawk. “I’ve been out here in Vegas, enjoying my job for the better part of 70 years, but this has definitely become a young woman’s game, and it’s time I bow out, as it were. You can only take so much before an ol’ fashioned feels less like helping a guy out and more like your arm might fall off.”
Suxcawk was recognized by Guinness as the World’s Oldest Prostitute in 2007 when she was just about 79 years old.
“There aren’t too many women like me still in the game,” said Suxcawk. “Many of them got out of it in the 80s when AIDs was becoming prevalent. A lot of them died of things like syphilis or The Black Plague, but I’ve powered through, and I’ve been doing pretty good.”
Suxcawk estimates than in her time as a professional whore, she’s had sex with more than 45,000 men.
“Sure, that seems like a lot, but I did make a handful of them wear rubbers, so it was mostly safe,” said Suxcawk, smoking a cigarette and hacking up green phlegm. “I think I’m in pretty good shape for a woman of my age, but I tell you, I throw out my back nearly every time I have to put my legs behind my head, and I’m so stopped up, I can’t even drop out a Cleveland steamer on a guy’s chest anymore. Of course, at my age, I don’t have any problems with giving golden showers, that’s for sure. I think I dribbled a few drops just sitting here talking to you.”
Suxcawk says she will retire at the end of the year, and plans to finish high school.