RICHMOND, Virginia –
After John Oliver’s recent expose on Last Week Tonight portrayed tobacco companies as using evil tactics to promote smoking around the world, said companies are reportedly following up with campaigns shamelessly stolen from hit tv series Mad Men.
“Oliver himself gave us the idea,” said Philip Morris CEO Louis Camilleri. “He referred to a commercial of ours as over the top ‘even for Don Draper’.”
Don Draper is the main character in Mad Men, which follows the lives of morally corrupt, chain smoking, womanizing, misogynistic advertising execs in the early sixties. He is an expert at finding new ways to manipulate viewers into buying products, even when conventional wisdom or emerging health hazards are making them difficult to market.
“Mad Men portrays a very accurate picture of what we do,” said a source at advertising giants, Omnicom Group, on condition of anonymity. “There’s no honesty and integrity in this industry and that’s how we like it. It’s still an old boys club, because we’re the ones who have insight into people’s wants and desires. And we smoke because we know that the health claims are overblown. We couldn’t function any other way.”
Expected campaigns include one which portrays smoking as a manly activity that is done in spite of the danger, another that shows how women can impress their men by smoking with them, and a third which explains how the smell of a cigarrette can cover up the scent of adultery.
Major critics have blasted the “amoral behavior of this murderous industry” but admit, regardless, that they “wish [they] had those guys balls.” After having previewed examples of the upcoming campaigns, they realized that they could actually achieve that, by smoking an assortment of tobacco products.