‘Mad Men’ Star Alison Brie Gains 80 Pounds For Upcoming Movie Role

LOS ANGELES, California –

Petite actress, Alison Brie, known for her roles in Mad Men and Community, has shocked Instagram followers by revealing her current figure – eighty pounds heavier than the last time she was seen. The photo was captioned, “Work I’ve gone to in prepping for new movie has payed [sic] off. Bigger is not always better!”

Brie will play an overweight former model in Get Hard an upcoming comedy about a businessman (played by Will Ferrell) who enlists a never-before jailed black man (Kevin Hart) to prepare him for life behind bars. Brie will only make a brief cameo appearance, in a flashback in which Ferrell’s character reminisces about the time he fucked a hideous fatso just to prove a point to his mother.

“Alison is very much a method actor and really committed to her work,” said former Mad Men co-star Elisabeth Moss, who herself gained sixty pounds for a plot point in season one of the hit series. “She usually plays annoying characters, and for years she’s been annoying the shit out of people in real life, so that when she’s on screen she can pull off the necessary squeals and anal retentiveness which have characterised her roles.”

Friends and family of Alison, however, indicated that her growth may not be as innocent as the little lady seems. Their gut feeling was that “she’s been comfort eating, ever since losing the fight against anorexia. It’s hard to watch, and especially hard to swallow – not that she has any problem with that.”

Joel Mchale, former Community co-star and acerbic host of E! Entertainment gossip show The Soup, used the platform to make fun of the usually tiny and delicate actress.

“Alison Brie seems to think she’s Jared Leto,” he drawled in his unsympathetic monotone. “Putting disproportionate effort into little (or in this case, not so little) roles in mediocre movies. Talking about disproportionate, have you seen the way the fat squeezes into that miniscule frame? Seriously, the Michelin Man should be worried about his job security.”

RICHMOND, Virginia –

After John Oliver’s recent expose on Last Week Tonight portrayed tobacco companies as using evil tactics to promote smoking around the world, said companies are reportedly following up with campaigns shamelessly stolen from hit tv series Mad Men.

“Oliver himself gave us the idea,” said Philip Morris CEO Louis Camilleri. “He referred to a commercial of ours as over the top ‘even for Don Draper’.”

Don Draper is the main character in Mad Men, which follows the lives of morally corrupt, chain smoking, womanizing, misogynistic advertising execs in the early sixties. He is an expert at finding new ways to manipulate viewers into buying products, even when conventional wisdom or emerging health hazards are making them difficult to market.

“Mad Men portrays a very accurate picture of what we do,” said a source at advertising giants, Omnicom Group, on condition of anonymity. “There’s no honesty and integrity in this industry and that’s how we like it. It’s still an old boys club, because we’re the ones who have insight into people’s wants and desires. And we smoke because we know that the health claims are overblown. We couldn’t function any other way.”

Expected campaigns include one which portrays smoking as a manly activity that is done in spite of the danger, another that shows how women can impress their men by smoking with them, and a third which explains how the smell of a cigarrette can cover up the scent of adultery.

Major critics have blasted the “amoral behavior of this murderous industry” but admit, regardless, that they “wish [they] had those guys balls.” After having previewed examples of the upcoming campaigns, they realized that they could actually achieve that, by smoking an assortment of tobacco products.

mad men

‘Mad Men’ Star Alison Brie Gains 80 Pounds For Upcoming Movie Role

Tobacco Companies Begin Shamelessly Stealing Marketing Ideas From ‘Mad Men’